Ladies...

No one cares to listen so I thought I'd just get it out on here! Alright. So I can't get too specific now, but anyways I met this girl, and it seemed as if she liked me and we were flirting. So then I go home and I find her MySpace and strike up a conversation, but nothing. Sooo now thinking about it, I didn't know her name to begin with, so I asked someone who I knew worked with her, and she told her how I was trying to find her MySpace. So yeah. Now I feel like I'm this creeper to this girl and I'm afraid to go back to this store because I don't want to see her... Fuckkk. Ladies.

My Evening

I really don't remember making all of my passwords the same... weird. Anyways! I'm about to go to bed. I just got home a we bit ago. (Current time 12:51 am) I saw Year One with my friend Aimee, and it was hilarious. Michael Cera is hilarious. I'm not a fan of Jack Black but he was funny too lol. I love Paul Rudd's cameo in it. He's one of my favorite actors lol. It was funny cause throughout the whole movie they're drinking or at one part it was raining and it was making me really thirsty so right after the movie I was at the drinking fountain for like.... a minute haha. 

My Bass Lesson with Myself

I just taught myself how to play Longview by Green Day (the first verse) and I Miss You by Blink-182 (the whole song) on bass! :D

Haha.

I'm really happy right now. Today I've been happy. :) Tomorrow I'm going to see Year One. I'm excited about that! I'm also excited for my brother's wedding! I'm a Best Man (the better man) and I'm also the DJ! ALSO I'm recording the wedding and then editing it to DVD PLUS I designed the wedding invitations! Haha talk about a big day for me! And it's not even my wedding! :D :D :D

GAHHHHHH

Hahaha I've been listening to my brother's band a lot today. I miss them! They better get here soon! August can't come soon enough. And then next summer I'm going to California?!?!? It all seems tooo unreal. I want to take a road trip this summer to NYC! One of my best friends and I planned to but sometimes it seems like she's "bothered" by me? I don't know. She says nothing but I get weird vibes lol. Anyways I want to go to NYC. I've never been!!!! I wanna go there before I go to California. I'm also excited because I have more hours now. I work Thursday's too now. And on Friday's I get like 3 or 4 more hours than I used to. Plus I just got a raise about two weeks ago, so the money's adding up. Speaking of money, my best friend owes me 50 bucks lol. I'm obsessed with the song Burning Down The House, Dave Matthew' cover of course. It's so much better than the original. Everytime I'm in the car I BLAST IT! HAHAHA. I fuckin' love it. I love making mixes for people. I wanna make another DAVE MIX!!!! FUN FUN FUN!

I think I need to go to bed! I have to be up at 8:30 cause at 9 we're leaving to go get me fitted for my tux! I'M BUYING A TUX!!!!! It's only $99.99 for this fuckin' awesome tux! It's on sale from $399.99!!!! WHAT A STEAL! Haha. I'm out. Peace. Oh by the way, TuPacs dead.

Kill yourself, and I've won.

Have another drink

You're all alone by yourself

Everyone left you

Everyone's gone.

You pop those pills and take those shots

I hope you fall

You're gonna fall

He falls to the ground, but how did he get there?

A girl, a love, he loved that love

She crushed, he crushed, and they crushed a bunch

Gone gone another girl come and goes

Another girl passes another girl shows

He takes another pill

Smokes another joint

He drinks another drink

Have I made my point?

Fill your life with worthless shit

And then go ahead and burn it

Burn it all down

Into ashes

And then take a line

And get fucking smashed

I know you will, you always do

You say you do, how about fuck you.

I've grown sick of how you treat everyone

And I've had enough

So just go ahead

Kill yourself, and I've won.

My Friend's Funeral

"So Jesus stands on this corner

Though his gospel falls to the ground

He's cold, he's hungry

And he needs a drink

And now he knows nobody believes

He walks to the alley and finds salvation

In the form of a forty-five

And on his way home he'll swallow that bullet

To comfort him on his ride"

Kill yourself, and I've won.

You know who you are...

My Triple S

I'm much different than other people, and I like that. Fuck, I love that. And honestly that's why I think my friends love me. I'm not different in a really fucking weird way, but in a funny way I guess? Haha I don't know what I'm saying. Fuck what I've said, I don't feel like deleting it. I want to try to write poems, openly. Like, just one shot, there it is typa thing. Here I go!

"Crush me up and crush me down

I can't see when you're not around

I hear you call and my heart stops

I see your face and I drop

To my knees, please baby please

I love you."

Haha okay, that's one. Short, stupid, silly. TRIPLE S.

"I could always make you laugh out loud

But no body's laughing now

I guess that's what happens with time

I guess that's what happened to mine

My first love gone, she's dead on the floor

I put her there, her heart beats no more

I smile in a way that is happy but sick

She did this to herself"

Okay, that one sucks. I guess I'm shitty when I don't have any feeling in it. Fuckkk.

Alrighty well I just wanted to say I'm still alive, for those who care. I know who you are :) WEIRD! I had a dream last night that I got a raise. I picked up my check today.... I got a raise. I hear rumor's of an OCC BBQ. Like, our group. My group of friends. I wonder what would happen if I didn't show up haha. Would I be missed? Would people notice? Like, how much of an impact am I on people. These are things I wonder in my head. This is why I want to be at my own funeral =P Hahaha.

My Space Between

I'm sad at this moment. I've been so happy recently but today, tonight, I don't know. I feel like I need to write this. I'm missing my friends from college. I want to see them, but I don't think they want to see me. I feel useless. Like, yes I'm funny and I want to be funny but I feel that's all I am? If that makes sense. I feel like I'm just there for a "good time" and that no one wants to know me, they just want to be around me? If that makes any sense at all. I don't know. I wrote a poem, one of the first really depressing ones in a while... Here it is.

"Don't talk, because I'm not listening I feel like I've given all I can I am nothing more than a waste I am nothing more than a man. I speak in rhymes while you crack a smile I make boring times worth while. But is that all I do? Because I feel so alone I'm clenching my fists And holding my phone. I feel let down But I bring this on myself I need you now I need your help. I'm going away To a dark place with no light. I'm going away Into the night."

People seem to enjoy my poems and they say I write well. I don't think I write well, I just write what I feel and I think that comes a cross, and people can relate. But I wouldn't say they're good, they're just real. I'm going to sleep for the night. Tomorrow night I'm suppose to go to the movies with one a friend. That should be fun, I know it'll cheer me up. But for right now, I feel so alone and cold.

My Heart

Baby when I get home I wanna pick up the pieces, Hammer in the final nail and lean me up against Jesus.

Baby when I get home, I wanna believe in Jesus. Hammer in the final nail and help me pick up the pieces.

My Shitty Day

It's been well over a month since my last post. I had a shitty day and I am in a horrible mood. I could be seeing Everclear right now, live, in NYC. But I'm not. I don't know what it is, well I mean, I do know, but I mean, I don't get it. I'm growing cold. I'm not talking about my feelings to anyone really. I'm keeping my feelings bottled up and thats not like me. Normally I'd have a few people to turn to, and I do have them, but I don't want to say anything. I don't know. I need someone and I'm not getting anyone. I'm just so overwhelmed with shit that I'm pissed off and I'm not talking about anything to anyone. I don't even want to get into it on here. What the fuck, this is so pointless. I'm sick of people. But at the same time I'm not. I get it, I get it now. I just wish I saw it before because now I'm stuck and it hurts. I feel like I'm pinned between two cars. There's moments, many moments where I feel great, but it's days like today that make me sick. I wish someone fucking cared. If I said something to someone I'm sure they would, but I'm too fucking ignorant to say something is wrong. I need them to come to me. I can only hope, but hoping to God on high is like clinging to straws while drowning. What you are.

"This is my fair-well to you and I. This will all end in tragedy"

My Idea's

So I'm on the computer at OCC because some fucker is sitting in my seat at the cafe! Haha. After my class, I sit there everyday, alone, and then by the time I leave I am surrounded by dozens of friends. That's how it works, I'm the Star Of Bethlahem, and my friends are like the Three Wise Men, the come to me. Haha, that sounds kind of cocky. I don't know haha. Anyways I should be in Digital Audio Production, well in the recording studio, but I don't feel my voice is up to par to record so I'm going to record Monday. I'm listening to my iPod while I type this. I'm listening to Pearl Jam and Green Day, going back and forth you know? I can't wait for Green Day's new album!!! May 2009 fuckers! I'm going when they tour! Haha. Pearl Jam just rereleased Ten, their first album. I bought it ofcourse haha. Even though I own the original!!! Haha. I think I'm up to 558 CD's now, although it's not like I'm counting... Haha ofcourse I am!!! I'm soo excited about Dave! I can't wait! Second fucking row! I gotta make Amanda some CD's of Dave so she'd know the songs haha. I can't wait! I know I'm going to have a fuckinbg blast! DAVE FUCKING MATTHEWS BAND LIVE LIVE LIVE!!! That's another CD I can't wait for, Dave's new studio! June 2nd! They pushed back the date on it, it was suppose to be April something. I'm so excited, it's not even funny. It actually is kind of funny haha. 2009 has been a great year so far! Yes, I've had tough moments and downs but I got through them, and I will get through them. You have to styay positive, that's the key. It truely is, it sounds so stupid and silly, but it is true. So stay positive! I have a few friends I need to get together with and make some video's with. We've got the creamer one we gotta make haha. I came up with some more idea's for it this morning, and I also came up with 2 other videos this mornming! Ideas are flowing! I've been writing so many poems/songs lately too, and not my sappy depressing ones like I usually do, but actually "happy" ones I guess you could say haha, well they're not ddepressing haha. I want a fucking Milkshake right now. Peanut Butter Chocolate! Mhmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. I think I might go get one, they're 3 bucks, but you know, they're fucking deliciuous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I also gotta pee... Haha. So I think I'm out for now.

"Oh nice guys finish last when you are the outcast. Don't pat yourself on the back, you might break your spine."

My Insane Idea

So I just had a thought, I have no idea who fucking reads my bullshit here, but I wonder if I could convince them that I am insane. I'm not insane, some would beg to differ haha, but seriously though, I'm a funny person and I'm always joking around so what better of a joke than to convince people that when I'm joking about something that I'm actually being serious. Like if I write something that to me is funny, but I say it in a serious tone, you know? haha. Idk, here is an example...
"I notice that as the daylight becomes longer, the more and more I find myself hiding in my room with all the windows shut and all the lights off. I can't stand the light. It drives me insane. I think I'm losing my mind. Today I saw a little kid cross the street and all I could think about was hitting him with my car. Watching the kid cry for help as I just put my car in reverse and hit him again. I found humor in it too, and I chuckled. Then the boy really did get hit, not by me, but by a pastor's Pontiac, how ironic? I did laugh though. The parents of the child were not happy with me, especially when I told them that I wished it was me driving."
Hahaha I don't know man, that's really fucked up. None of that stuff really happened haha. Don't take any of that seriously! Well I'm out. I'm done with it. I'm done with everything, it's up to you to save me, for you. Does that make sense? I have no fucking clue.

My Dark Side Of The Moon

It's been a while. I haven't had anything to "vent" about. My life has been going great and ofcourse some bad shit has happened and I've had down times, but I just stay positive and with the help of some close friends, I get through them. Whether that be venting to one of my best friends or just hanging out with people and having a good time, forgetting about things. My uncle's birthday was a few days ago. March 12. He would have been 44. The night before was a down time for me, and I called upon a few people for help, I needed someone that night. But only one person was there for me. The next day I was okay. I just kept texting my friend all day and stayed positive all day, and I pulled through. I'm hanging out with her later today, but first I am buying my Dave Matthews Band tickets!!! They go on sale at 10 am. I can't wait. Alex told me I can't get my Dave tattoo until I see him live, but I think I'm going to get it before haha. Very soon, very soon. I have the money now. I'm working more, and I'm making more, and I'm showing more effort and everytime I pick up my check, my boss gives me a bonus. It's pretty sweet. I just recieved $250 in the mail the other day for no apparent reason haha and I bought a new iPod. It's 120 GB! Haha. Now I NEVER have to delete anything!!! lol. I sold my old one to my brother for 50 bucks. What a bargin on his part, because I didn't delete the music haha there was alot of Dave on there. I also bought The Doors Perception. It's the box set of The Doors. It has 6 CDs and 6 DVDs. A DVD for each album. It's amazing. I now own all The Doors CDs. And it's about time, because they are one of my favorite bands and have been since I was a wee lad and I never owned their discography, like I do with everyone else lol. Hmm... What else is new? Oh, I no longer go up to people. Like, when I get out of class I go to the cafe, and I'll sit alone... and then everyday, by the end of the day, I'm surrounded by a huge groups of friends. They come to me, haha. I think thats cool. It feels good, you know? Sometimes I'd like to be left alone haha but I don't mind. If people enjoy my company, then why should I care? I'm a funny guy =P I'm listening to Dave ofcourse, Stuck On You, a cover by Elvis. (Dave does it better) Haha. I never liked Pink Floyd, I just couldn't grasp them. Like, they were too out there for me, you know? But do to some recent events (haha) I now like them. The Dark Side Of The Moon is sooo good and so is Wish You Were Here. I fell asleep on the bus ride home a few days ago listening to Dark Side haha. I know I wanted to stick with Scrubs things for this, but idk what to call this one... My Tickets? My Doors? My Dave? My Dark Side Of The Moon? Hmm I like that last one haha.

"I find sometimes it's easy to be myself, sometimes I find it's better to be somebody else."

My Dustin Hoffman

I'm listening to the Used. Today was a great day. I had a lot of fun, and this day was just what I needed. I bought two Used Live DVD/CDs at Soundgarden today. They both came with a DVD Documentary. I watched the first one and I'm about to watch the second, right after this. I had hot dogs today at Hoffmans, I'm not 100% sure because I can't remember haha but I think I was really loud there... Sheit. Hahaha, there were chairs growing from the ground!!! Haha!
Work Friday was a bitch. Because it's Lent, all the Catholics go out and get their fish, which makes for a good profit, but it gets so crazy. I love religion. Haha. Thats what J.D. said on Scrubs once, when he and Turk were talking about where they'd meet up in heaven. On the lesbian cloud next to the milkshake pool haha.
I can't wait for the days to come! Mostly summer. Haha. Spring too, days in the fields of flowers haha. So far I have a bunch of concerts to go to! Dave Matthews at the Alliance Stadium with Zach! Motley Crue at the State Fair with Joe! Warped Tour with Amanda and Brittany! And then if Blink comes near here, there with Amanda and Brittany! Haha. And there are a few other concerts I've got in mind. It's gonna kick ass, this summer. I'm fucking Yoda now haha. As I was typing "fucking" Bert was saying "fucking" haha. Weird! I know dude, totally! Haha.
Oh so I'm about to peace out. Oh yeah, make-up does miracles! Seriously, I met Dustin Hoffman today, but he looks nothing like he does here in person! It's crazy! Haha.

My Katy Perry

So on my iTunes I've been making playlists with my friends name's and then I will be burning these to CD's for them. They're not "Oh I know you'll love this!" Mixes, they're "This is what I like, maybe it'll rub off on you" Mixes. Haha. I have a shitload of songs for each person, but I need to cut them down to an hour and twenty minutes of music. By now I think people should know me and maybe I don't have to write "lol" or "haha" every two lines to get my point across that I'm happy or something, lol, see like that. Because it doesn't look very professional. Not sure If I spelt that right... Anyways I just got home, I was out, cause I'mma playa, you know me, ha. Don't me hatin fools. Sheit. Son! I'm black.
Actually I'm very white, weird huh? Not really I enjoy rock and acoustic shit. I do enjoy some rap but I couldn't sit there and listen to it for a while. Kanye West on the other hand, he's my FAVORITE rapper. Him and Eminem, they're the only rappers that I like every song. I think they're the only true rap I own every CD of haha. I just bought T.I.'s Paper Trail tonight, it's my 525th CD. Congrats self! Thank you self! I'm amusing... I'm talking to myself, not even outloud... but on the internet... wow haha!
The past two days I've been dwelling on something, but I can't dwell anymore. I'm not getting the respones I'd like... fuck, I'm not getting any responses at all. I've done all I can do, and it's not in my hands anymore so I can't worry about it anymore. It's all up to you now. You know who you are.
You know, I could really go for 13 million dollars right about now. That would be awesome. I wouldn't have to work. I could do whatever I wanted to do. The life!
I fucking love Katy Perry. Seriously haha.

Do I even need a caption? I love this woman! Haha

My Youth

Why am I listening to Motley Crue? For anyone who has known me for a long time would know that in 9th and 10th grade I was obsessed with the Crue. Even a little into 11th I think. I'm not sure. I know I wore a Motley shirt the first day of 11th. Anyways it's 10:30 and I have my iPod on listening to them, and I can hear people walking around my house. I smell toast. I'm hungry now. I want to go to Soundgarden today but no one will take me.
Back to Motley Crue, I was wondering why I've been listening to them the past few days... I think I figured out why. When I met one of my friends, I really like Motley Crue at the time, and when I listen to them right now, it brings me back to that. Back to when we met. It brings back my "youth" haha. I love saying I'm old and stuff. I have never gotten ID'd for buying a Parental Advisory CD or a Rated R DVD until I was 18 actually haha. It was at Best Buy and I was buying Boogie Nights, and the girls like "I'll need to see your ID" and I sighed and said "Ahhh you make me feel young again." Haha. I amuse myself.
Me listening to Motley inspired me to go and put pics up on myspace, old pics. The albums called "Blast From The Past." It has pics mostly from when I originally had my myspace and shit, but its got a few of me as a baby/kid. My favorite is the one of me and my uncle. I garentue its the only one of him and I together... Which is sad. I'm like 2 or 3 and hes holding me with a big smile on his face. I need to take more pictures with people. I want to, but I'd feel weird just randomly taking pictures of my friends and family, but once they're gone, you have nothing to relect on...
I'm going to eat. Someone take me to Soundgarden.

My Scrubs

I was watching Scrubs about a week ago and Elliot said to J.D. "You know, if you stop talking about all of your problems, then maybe they won't effect you as much." And I thought to myself, hmmmm lol. So for the past week I haven't talk about anything in my personal life to anyone. That's also why I haven't blogged for a short while. But right now I have nothing better to do, so I thought I'd still write something.
All of my teachers say that by now, if I'm not enjoying what were doing, that this isn't the field for us. Well, now I don't know what to do. I don't mind video editing, I don't mind digital audio editing, I don't mind television production, and I don't mind running the camera's in the studio but I can not stand my Video Field Production class. Operating that camera. I hate it. I dread it. I don't know what I want to do with my life.
I don't wake up and go to OCC everyday to go to my classes and learn, I wake up to go and hang out with friends.
I have been trying to stay positive about everything and so far I have been. I haven't been letting little things get to me, which has brought stress down, but that one class is driving me insane. The other day during the "lunch time" at OCC I sat alone and by the time I left there, I had realized that I was in a large group. I didn't ask for anyone to come up to me, but a large sum did. It made me feel like people actually enjoy my company. Apparently I'm hilarious lol.
I was listening to Brand New, but I just changed it to Dave because Dave always makes me happy haha. Actually Scrubs always makes me happy. I think I'm going to put on Scrubs for now. I have to "get up" at 5:30, but it's 4:45 right now and I've been up since 3:30 so... Haha. Today is going to kill me, but I'm staying positive.

My Discography

I realized that I need "a catch" to my blogs haha. So what I'm going to do is stop naming my blogs after songs, but naming them like Scrubs episodes! Haha. Every Scrubs episode is titled "My _____". Ex: My Lunch. My Fishbowl. My No Good Reason. So this is going to be the first of many to include a "Scrubs Inspired" titles. Haha.
Haha I have nothing left to say, so I thought I'd post all my CD's. I own 523 albums, and here they all are! Enjoy.

My Discography!

30 Seconds To Mars - 30 Seconds To Mars
30 Seconds To Mars - A Beautiful Lie
3OH!3 - Want!
58 - Diet For A New America
Academy Is, The - Fast Times At Barrington High
Acceptance - Black Lines To Battlefields
Acceptance - Phantoms
Adam Sandler - Shh… Don't Tell
Adam Sandler - Stan And Judy's Kid
Adam Sandler - They're All Gonna Laugh At You!
Adam Sandler - What The Hell Happened To Me?
Adam Sandler - What's Your Name?
Alexisonfire - Crisis
Alexisonfire - Watch Out!
All Time Low - Put Up Or Shut Up
All Time Low - So Wrong, It's Right
Angels & Airwaves - I-Empire
Angels & Airwaves - We Don't Need To Whisper
Artist Vs Poet - Artist Vs Poet EP
Atreyu - A Deathgrip On Yesterday
Atreyu - Lead Sails Paper 2.0
Atreyu - Lead Sails Paper Anchor
Atreyu - Suicide Notes And Butterfly Kisses
Atreyu - The Best Of
Atreyu - The Curse
Audition, The - Champion
Audition, The - Controversy Loves Company
Avenged Sevenfold - All Axcess DVD
Avenged Sevenfold - Avenged Sevenfold
Avenged Sevenfold - City Of Evil
Avenged Sevenfold - Sounding The Seventh Trumpet
Avenged Sevenfold - Waking The Fallen
Bayside - Bayside
Bayside - Shudder
Bayside - Sirens And Condolences
Bayside - The Walking Wounded
Beastie Boys - Solid Gold Hits
Beatles, The - 1
Beatles, The - A Hard's Day Night
Beatles, The - Abbey Road
Beatles, The - Beatles For Sale
Beatles, The - Help!
Beatles, The - Let It Be
Beatles, The - Love
Beatles, The - Magical Mystery Tour
Beatles, The - Please, Please Me
Beatles, The - Revolver
Beatles, The - Rubber Soul
Beatles, The - Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
Beatles, The - The White Album
Beatles, The - With The Beatles
Billy Idol - Greatest Hits
Billy Ray Cyrus - Wanna Be Your Joe
Blink 182 - Blink 182
Blink 182 - Buddha
Blink 182 - Cheshire Cat
Blink 182 - Dude Ranch
Blink 182 - Enema Of The State
Blink 182 - Greatest hits
Blink 182 - Take Off Your Pants And Jacket
Blink 182 - The Mark, Tom and Travis Show (The Enema Strikes Back)
Bloodhound Gang - Hefty Fine
Bloodhound Gang - Hooray For Boobies
Bloodhound Gang - One Fierce Beer Coaster
Bloodhound Gang - Use Your Fingers
Blue October - Foiled
Bowling For Soup - A Hangover You Don't Deserve
Bowling For Soup - Drunk Enough To Dance
Bowling For Soup - Goes To The Movies
Bowling For Soup - Let's Do It For Johnny!!
Bowling For Soup - Rock On Honorable Ones!!
Bowling For Soup - The Great Burrito Extortion Case
Box Car Racer - Box Car Racer
Brand New - The Devil And God Are Raging Inside Me
Bravery, The - The Bravery
Bravery, The - The Sun And The Moon
Brides Of Destruction - Here Comes The Brides
Britney Spears - … Baby One More Time
Britney Spears - Blackout
Britney Spears - Britney
Britney Spears - Circus
Britney Spears - Greatest hits: My Perogative
Britney Spears - In The Zone
Britney Spears - Oops!... I Did It Again
Bruce Springsteen - Greatest Hits
Bruce Springsteen - The River
Bullets And Octane - In The Mouth Of The Young
Bush - Razorblade Suitcase
Bush - Sixteen Stone
Bush - The Science Of Things
Carrie Underwood - Some Hearts
Christina Aguilera - Back To Basics
Coldplay - A Rush Of Blood To The Head
Coldplay - Parachutes
Coldplay - Viva La Vida
Coldplay - X &Y
Counting Crows - Films About Ghosts: The Best Of…
Counting Crows - Saturday Nights & Sunday Mornings
Criss Angel - Mindfreak
Cure, The - Greatest Hits
Dane Cook - Harmful If Swallowed
Dane Cook - Madison Square Garden
Dane Cook - Retaliation
Daniel Powter - Daniel Powter
Danzig - 5 Blackacidevil
Danzig - 6:66 Satan's Child
Danzig - Circle Of Snakes
Danzig - Danzig
Danzig - Danzig 4p
Danzig - Danzig II: Lucifuge
Danzig - Danzig III: How The Gods Kill
Danzig - I 777 Luciferi
Danzig - The Lost Tracks Of Danzig
Danzig - Thrall Demonsweatlive EP
Dave Matthews - Some Devil
Dave Matthews & Tim Reynolds - Europe 07
Dave Matthews & Tim Reynolds - Live At Luther College
Dave Matthews & Tim Reynolds - Live At Radio City Hall
Dave Matthews Band - 2007 Summer Tour Sampler
Dave Matthews Band - Before These Crowded Streets
Dave Matthews Band - Busted Stuff
Dave Matthews Band - Crash
Dave Matthews Band - Everyday
Dave Matthews Band - Listener Supported
Dave Matthews Band - Live At Folsom Field Boulder Colorado
Dave Matthews Band - Live At Mile High Music Festival
Dave Matthews Band - Live At Piedmont Park
Dave Matthews Band - Live At Red Rocks 8.15.95
Dave Matthews Band - Live In Chicago 12.19.98
Dave Matthews Band - Live Trax Volume 1
Dave Matthews Band - Live Trax Volume 10
Dave Matthews Band - Live Trax Volume 11
Dave Matthews Band - Live Trax Volume 12
Dave Matthews Band - Live Trax Volume 13
Dave Matthews Band - Live Trax Volume 2
Dave Matthews Band - Live Trax Volume 3
Dave Matthews Band - Live Trax Volume 4
Dave Matthews Band - Live Trax Volume 5
Dave Matthews Band - Live Trax Volume 6
Dave Matthews Band - Live Trax Volume 7
Dave Matthews Band - Live Trax Volume 8
Dave Matthews Band - Live Trax Volume 9
Dave Matthews Band - Live Trax, Starbucks Exclusive
Dave Matthews Band - Recently
Dave Matthews Band - Remember Two Things
Dave Matthews Band - Stand Up
Dave Matthews Band - The Best Of What's Around Volume 1
Dave Matthews Band - The Central Park Concert
Dave Matthews Band - The Gorge
Dave Matthews Band - The Gorge ( Deluxe Complete Edition)
Dave Matthews Band - Under The Table And Dreaming
Dave Matthews Band - Weekend On The Rocks
Dave Matthews Band - Weekend On The Rocks (Deluxe Complete Edition)
Doors, The - An American Prayer
Doors, The - Scattered Sun
Doors, The - The Very Best Of
Drake Bell - It's Only Time
Eagles - The Very Best Of
Elemenopy - Sgt. Walrus's Westward Journey
Elemenopy - The Sound That Thursday Built
Eminem - Curton Call: The Hits
Eminem - Encore
Eminem - The Eminem Show
Eminem - The Marshall Matthers LP
Eminem - The Slim Shady LP
Endwell - Homeland Insecurity
Eric Hutchinson - Sounds Like This
Eve 6 - Eve 6
Eve 6 - Horrorscope
Eve 6 - It's All In Your Head
Everclear - Everything To Everyone Single
Everclear - Heartspark Dollarsign Single
Everclear - I Will Buy You A New Life Single
Everclear - Slow Motion Day Dream
Everclear - So Much For The Afterglow
Everclear - Songs From An American Movie Volume 1: Learning How To Smile
Everclear - Songs From An American Movie Volume 2: Good Time For A Bad Attitude
Everclear - Sparkle And Fade
Everclear - Ten Years Gone
Everclear - The Best Of
Everclear - The Vegas Years
Everclear - Welcome To The Drama Club
Everclear - World Of Noise
Fatboy Slim - You've Come A Long Way, Baby
Fateful Day - Fatter, Drunker, Faster: Rough Demos
Five For Fighting - American Town
Five For Fighting - Message For Albert
Five For Fighting - The Battle For Everything
Five For Fighting - Two Lights
Flight Of The Conchords - Flight Of The Conchords
Flight Of The Conchords - The Distance Future
Flyleaf - Flyleaf EP
Flyleaf - Flyleaf LP
Foo Fighters - Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace
Foo Fighters - In Your Honor
Forever The Sickest Kids - Underdog Alma Mater
Foxboro Hot Tubs - Stop Drop And Roll!!!
Fratellies, The - Costello Music
Friday Night Boys, The - That's What She Said
Fuel - Natural Selection
Fuel - Something Like Human
Fuel - Sunburn
Goo Goo Dolls, The - A Boy Named Goo
Goo Goo Dolls, The - Dizzy Up The Girl
Goo Goo Dolls, The - Gutterflower
Goo Goo Dolls, The - Let Love In
Goo Goo Dolls, The - Superstar Car Wash
Green Day - 1039/Smoothed Out Slappy Hours
Green Day - American Idiot
Green Day - Bullet In A Bible
Green Day - Dookie
Green Day - Insomniac
Green Day - International Superhits
Green Day - Kerplunk
Green Day - Nimrod
Green Day - Shenanigans
Green Day - Warning:
Guns N' Roses - Appetite For Destruction
Guns N' Roses - Chinese Democracy
Guns N' Roses - G N' R Lies
Guns N' Roses - Greatest Hits
Guns N' Roses - Live Era 87-93
Guns N' Roses - The Spaghetti Incident?
Guns N' Roses - Use Your Illusion 1
Guns N' Roses - Use Your Illusion 2
Gym Class Heroes - As Cruel As School Children
Gym Class Heroes - The Papercut Chronicles
Gym Class Heroes - The Quilt
Hellogoodbye - Zombies! Aliens! Vampires! Dinosaurs! And More!
Hey Monday - Hold On Tight
HIM - And Love Said No: The Greatest Hits 1997 - 2004
HIM - Dark Light
HIM - Deep Shadows And Brilliant Highlights
HIM - Digital Versatile Doom
HIM - Greatest Love Songs: Volume 666
HIM - Love Metal
HIM - Razorblade Romance
HIM - Venus Doom
Hollywood Rose - The Roots Of Guns N' Roses
Hootie & The Blowfish - Cracked Rear View
Hootie & The Blowfish - Fairweather Johnson
Ingrid Michaelson - Be Ok
Ingrid Michaelson - Boys & Girls
Jack Johnson - Brushfire Fairytales
Jack Johnson - Curious George
Jack Johnson - In Between Dreams
Jack Johnson - On And On
Jack Johnson - Sleep Through The Static
James Blunt - All The Lost Souls
James Blunt - Back To Bedlam
Jason Mraz - MR. A-Z
Jason Mraz - Waitin For My Rocket To Come
Jason Mraz - We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things
Jazzy Jeff & Fresh Prince - Boom! Shake The Room
Jeff Buckley - Grace
Jenny Lewis - Acid Tongue
Jim Gaffigan - Beyond The Pale
John Lennon - Lennon Legend
John Mayer - Any Given Thursday
John Mayer - As/Is
John Mayer - Continuum
John Mayer - Continuum 2007 Tour Edition
John Mayer - Heavier Things
John Mayer - Inside Wants Out EP
John Mayer - Room For Squares
John Mayer - Village Sessions
John Mayer - Where The Light Is
John Mayer Tro - Try!
Joshua Radin - Live At Reg's Coffee House
Joshua Radin - Simple Times
Joshua Radin - We Were Here
Justice - A Cross The Universe
Kanye West - 808's And Heartbreak
Kanye West - Graduation
Kanye West - Late Registration
Kanye West - The College Dropout
Kara's Flowers - The Fourth World
Katy Perry - One Of The Boys
Keith Urban - Greatest Hits
Killers, The - Day & Age
Killers, The - Don't Shoot Me Santa
Killers, The - Hot Fuss
Killers, The - Read My Mind (Remixes)
Killers, The - Sam's Town
Killers, The - Sam's Town Companion
Killers, The - Sawdust
Kim Monroe - Kim Monroe
Kim Monroe - New Reality
Lewis Black - Anticipation
Lewis Black - Luther Burbank Performance Arts Center Blues
Lewis Black - Rules Of Enragement
Lewis Black - The Carnege Hall Performance
Lewis Black - The End Of The Universe
Lewis Black - The White Album
Lily Allen - Alright, Still…
Lily Allen - It's Not Me, It's You
M.I.A. - Arular
M.I.A. - Kala
Maine, The - Can't Stop Won't Stop
Maroon 5 - 1.22.03 Acoustic
Maroon 5 - Call And Response: The Remix Album
Maroon 5 - It Won't Be Soon Before Long
Maroon 5 - Songs About Jane
Matchbox Twenty - Exile On Mainstream
Matchbox Twenty - Mad Season
Matchbox Twenty - More Than You Think You Are
Matchbox Twenty - Yourself Or Something Like You
Maylene And The Sons Of Disaster - II
Maylene And The Sons Of Disaster - Maylene And The Sons Of Disaster
Meatloaf - Bat Out Of Hell
Meatloaf - Bat Out Of Hell 2: Back Into Hell
Meatloaf - Bat Out Of Hell 3: The Monster Is Loose
Megadeth - Greatest Hits
Meredith Brooks - Blurring The Edges
Methods Of Mayhem - Methods Of Mayhem
Michael Buble - Michael Buble
Mike Doughty - Golden Delicious
Miley Cyrus - Breakout
Misfits, The - American Psycho
Misfits, The - Cuts From The Crypt
Misfits, The - Earth A.D.
Misfits, The - Famous Monsters
Misfits, The - Project 1950
Misfits, The - Static Age
Misfits, The - Walk Among Us
Modest Mouse - Good News For People Who Love Bad News
Modest Mouse - The Lonesome Crowded West
Modest Mouse - The Moon & Antarctica
Modest Mouse - This Is A Long Drive For Someone With Nothing To Think About
Modest Mouse - We Were Dead Before The Ship Even Sank
Motley Crue - Decade Of Decadence
Motley Crue - Dr. Feelgood
Motley Crue - Generation Swine
Motley Crue - Girls, Girls, Girls
Motley Crue - Greatest Hits
Motley Crue - Live: Entertainment Or Death
Motley Crue - Motley Crue
Motley Crue - Music To Crash Your Car To: Volume One
Motley Crue - Music To Crash Your Car To: Volume Two
Motley Crue - New Tattoo
Motley Crue - Red White & Crue
Motley Crue - Saints Of Los Angeles
Motley Crue - Shout At The Devil
Motley Crue - Supersonic And Demonic Relics
Motley Crue - Theatre Of Pain
Motley Crue - Too Fast For Love
My Chemical Romance - I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love
My Chemical Romance - The Black Parade
My Chemical Romance - Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge
Natasha Bedingfield - Pocketful Of Sunshine
Natasha Bedingfield - Unwritten
Nelly Furtado - Loose
Nelly Furtado - Whoa, Nelly
Neutral Milk Hotel - An Avery Island
Neutral Milk Hotel - Neutral Milk Hotel
Nick Swardson - Party!
Nickelback - All The Right Reasons
Nickelback - Curb
Nickelback - Dark Horse
Nickelback - Silver Side Up
Nickelback - The Long Road
Nickelback - The State
Nine Inch Nails - Pretty Hate Machine
Nine Inch Nails - The Downward Spiral
Nine Inch Nails - The Fragile
Nine Inch Nails - With Teeth
Nine Inch Nails - Year Zero
Nirvana - Bleach
Nirvana - From The Muddy Banks Of The Wishkah
Nirvana - In Utero
Nirvana - Incesticide
Nirvana - Lithium/Been A Son/Curmudgeon/Single
Nirvana - MTV Unplugged In New York
Nirvana - Nevermind
Nirvana - Nirvana
Nirvana - With The Lights Out
Norm MacDonald - Ridiculous
Offspring, The - Americana
Offspring, The - Conspiracy Of One
Offspring, The - Greatest Hits
Offspring, The - Ixnay On The Hombre
Offspring, The - Rise and Fall, Rage And Grace
Offspring, The - Smash
Offspring, The - Splinter
Our Lady Peace - A Decade
Panic! At The Disco - A Fever You Can't Sweat Out
Panic! At The Disco - Pretty. Odd.
Pantera - The Best Of
Paramore - All We Know Is Falling
Paramore - Riot!
Paramore - The Final Riot
Paul McCartney - Memory Almost Full
Pearl Jam - Binaural
Pearl Jam - Live At Easy Street
Pearl Jam - Live On Two Legs
Pearl Jam - Lost Dogs
Pearl Jam - No Code
Pearl Jam - Pearl Jam
Pearl Jam - Rearviewmirror: Greatest Hits
Pearl Jam - Riot Act
Pearl Jam - Ten
Pearl Jam - Vitalogy
Pearl Jam - Vs
Pearl Jam - Yield
Peter Frampton - Fingerprints
Plain White T's - All That We Needed
Plain White T's - Big Bad World
Plain White T's - Every Second Counts
Plain White T's - Hey There Delilah EP
Plain White T's - Stop
Plus 44 - When Your Heart Stops Beating
Poison - 20 Years Of Rock
Polar Bear Club - Sometimes Things Just Dissapear
Powerman 5000 - Destroy What You Enjoy
Powerman 5000 - Mega!! Kung Fu Radio
Powerman 5000 - Tonight The Stars Revolt!
Powerman 5000 - Transform
Powerman 5000 - True Force
Puddle Of Mudd - Come Clean
Puddle Of Mudd - Famous
Puddle Of Mudd - Life On Display
Quietdrive - Rise From The Ashes
Quietdrive - When All That's Left Is You
R.E.M. - Im Time: The Best Of R.E.M. 1988 - 2003
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Blood Sugar Sex Magik
Red Hot Chili Peppers - By The Way
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Californication
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Freaky Styley
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Greatest Hits And Videos
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Mother's Milk
Red Hot Chili Peppers - One Hot Minute
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Out In L.A.
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Red Hot Chili Peppers
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Stadium Arcadium
Red Hot Chili Peppers - The Uplift Mofo Party Plan
Red Hot Chili Peppers - What Hits?
Relient K - Five Score And Seven Years Ago
Relient K - Mmhmm
Relient K - The Birds And The Bee Sides/The Nashville Tennis EP
Revolution Mother - Enjoy The Ride
Rilo Kiley - More Adventures
Rilo Kiley - Take Off And Landings
Rilo Kiley - The Excution Of All Things
Rilo Kiley - Under The Blacklight
Ringside - Ringside
Rise Against - Appeal To Reason
Rise Against - Revolutions Per Minute
Rise Against - Siren Song Of The Counter Culture
Rise Against - The Sufferer & The Witness
Rise Against - The Unraveling
Rob Thomas - Something To Be
Rob Zombie - Past, Present & Future
Robert Downey Jr - The Futurist
Rock Star Supernova - Supernova
Sara Bareilles - Between The Lines: Live At The Fillmore
Sara Bareilles - Little Voice
Say Anything - …Is A Real Boy
Say Anything - In The Defense Of The Genre
Secondhand Serenade - A Twist In My Story
Secondhand Serenade - Awake
Senses Fail - From The Depths Of Dreams EP
Sister Hazel - Somewhere More Familiar
Sixx A.M. - The Heroin Diaries Soundtrack
Sparks The Rescue - Eyes To The Sun
Spill Canvas, The - No Really, I'm Fine
Spin Doctors - Pocket Full Of Kryptonite
Spin Doctors - Turn It Upside Down
Spin Doctors - You've Got To Believe In Something
Stone Temple Pilots - Thank You
Strokes, The - First Impressions Of Earth
Strokes, The - Is This It
Strokes, The - Room On Fire
Sublime - 40 oz. To Freedom
Sublime - Robbin' The Hood
Sublime - Second-hand Smoke
Sublime - Sublime
Ting Ting, The - We Started Nothing
Tom Perry & The Heartbreakers - Greatest hits
Tommy Lee - Never A Dull Moment
Tommy Lee - Tommyland: The Ride
Train - Drops Of Jupiter
Tribe Of Heaven - Imagine We Were
Two Tongues - Two Tongues
U2 - Achtung Baby
U2 - All That You Can't Leave Behind
U2 - How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
U2 - Pop
U2 - Rattle And Hum
U2 - The Best Of 1980-1990
U2 - The Best Of 1990-2000
U2 - The Joshua Tree
U2 - U2 18 Singles
Underoath - Define The Great Line
Underoath - Lost In The Sound Of Separation
Underoath - They're Only Chasing Safety
Vanessa Carlton - Be Not Nobody
Vanessa Carlton - Harmonium
Vanessa Carlton - Heroes & Thieves
Various Artists - A Night At The Roxbury Soundtrack
Various Artists - Across The Universe Soundtrack
Various Artists - Instant Karma: Save Darfur
Various Artists - Rock Steady 1971
Various Artists - The Nightmare Before Christmas Soundtrack
Various Artists - The Phantom Of The Opera Soundtrack
Various Artists - Warped Tour '07
Various Artists - Warped Tour '08
Various Artists - Wedding Crashers Soundtrack
Various Artists - XM Artist Confidential Vol. 1
Velvet Revolver - Contraband
Velvet Revolver - Libertad
Vertical Horizon - Everything You Want
Vince Neil - Exposed
Weezer - Make Believe
Weezer - Maladroit
Weezer - Pinkerton
Weezer - Weezer (Blue)
Weezer - Weezer (Green)
Weezer - Weezer (Red)
Will Smith - Big Willie Style
Will Smith - Born To Reign
Will Smith - Greatest Hits
Will Smith - Lost And Found
Will Smith - Willennium

You've Got My Only Heart

My dad is in the hospital until Friday. He had surgery yesterday and they ran into complications. I was worried about him yesterday, but it seems like no one noticed. I wonder if no one cared or if I'm just a really good actor. I hope I'm just a really good actor.
I feel used. I feel unappreciated. I don't know. At the same time I feel wanted.
I don't know whats going on. Today I plan on skipping my second class, digital audio production, because have to hand in our scripts and I don't have one. I don't have any ideas for one! See, I'm running away from my problems... Whatever. I shouldn't be up for another hour but I couldn't sleep.
I tried to write a poem yesterday, but it lacked heart. I've lost my inspiration. I've lost my best friend... I always thought of her as 'more than a friend' which I think got in the way of our relationship, but it made for some really good poems lol. I miss her. See a time like this, where my father's in the hospital, she'd be the one I turned to. So now... I have no one to turn to. I miss her a lot. I've noticed that I really miss her texts. Every time I'd wake up to pee or something, I'd check my phone and I'd have a text from her. I wake up all the time now, and always check my phone, and there never a text from her... or anyone. I miss her laugh. I've always missed that with her being away. I miss her trust in me. I miss how she would always make me feel good about myself. She built my self esteem. I miss her so much and I just wish things would go back to the way they used to be. My heart doesn't seem to be in anything ever since we stopped talking, which is weird, but it's just something that I noticed. I put on a good act, pretending everything is fine when really inside I just want to cry. Some moments are better than others, and sometimes I can stay occupied enough that I feel fine because I'm not thinking about it, but others I just wanna cry. And I have no one to talk to about it because she was the one I'd talk to about stuff like that.
Well I don't have any song stuck in my head to use for a quote with a picture, well, besides Show Me Your Genitals, Kylie haha. But I'm not going to use that one haha.
Off to start my day...

One More Night

I just got home a few minutes after 8. On our way to drop me off, Zach and I were blasting Limousine by Brand New. I've heard it before, and yes its a sad song, but tonight I felt it. You know you hear a song 1,000 times, but it just takes that one thought, that one time, to make you feel it. There's a line in the song "One more night, I'll be your mother" or something like that, it made me think of my Nana... How she must have felt when she heard the news... Her baby boy was gone. That alone was such a powerful line that I could have cried right then and there, but then the song went on, and so did my mind. The song builds with the lines "Well I love you so much, but do me a favor baby, don't reply, cause I can dish it out but I can't take it" and each time he adds a number to the beginning and keeps counting. The music gets louder, and his voice shows more and more emotion. As it went on, I envisioned it all... My uncle jumping out of the car, my mom telling him to get in the car and to come over our house, but no, he wanted to go home, he had something on his mind. He kept saying "Tricia, I want you to know I love you" and my moms responded "I love you too Rob, get in the car!" He wouldn't. They approached the house, and my mom said "Rob, don't hurt Tammy or the kids or yourself." And he said "Well you better get the kids out of there then." My mom called the police, my uncle was in the house. The police came. The song builds more and more. My uncle runs inside, his wife yells "Get the fuck out!" He charges downstairs. Slams the door. Song builds and builds. The police come. My uncles in the back yard. He hangs up the rope. He takes his last breath. Song builds and builds. The police go out back and more police come. My mom worries. They finally come out front. Song builds and builds. They tell my mom my uncle hung himself. My mom screams in pain. I see this. I see this all. She runs in the streets. In tears. Her baby brother is gone. She screams. Song builds. Next she has to tell her mother that he is dead. My Nana hears the news and falls to the ground in tears. Her baby boy taken from her... The song builds. I see this all in my head. I hold back from crying. The song slows down, and my heart stops racing. Such a powerful song. I miss my uncle so much. This July it'll be one year...
It was refreshing to hear that song though. It helped me get some emotions out that have been buried inside me for a while. Other than that today was a good day. Zach's got me addicted to Stars now haha. They're wicked good!

"He starts with her back, because that's what he sees
When she's breaking his heart, she still fucks like a tease
Release to the sky, look him straight in the eye
And tell him, right now, that you wish he would die
You'll never touch him again, so get what you can
Leaving him empty, just because he's a man
So good when it ends, they'll never be friends
One more night, that's all they can spend"

Your Ex Lover Is Dead

I'm quickly putting songs on my iPod for tomorrow and I thought I'd write something quickly. Have you ever done something because you thought it was the right thing at the time, but then you realize it's not, and it's too late to do anything about it? Well I have. I wronged a friend, and I feel horrible about it and I don't know if they can bring themselves to forgive me or not. At the time I thought what I was doing was right, but I realize now, it wasn't. I apologized but I don't know what will happen now. I've done all I can do, now it's up to her. No matter what happens, I can atleast say I tried. Anyways the music just finished so I think I'm going to bed now. I have to get up at 5:30 in the morning. Tomorrow should be a good/fun day haha. I'm contemplating whether or not to wear my "disco" shirt tomorrow or Tuesday haha.

"There's one thing I have to say so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save"

Some Devil

I have a problem. I went to Soundgarden again today... Making it 4 days in a row. Wow haha. Today I bought something. Justice - A Cross The Universe. It came with a DVD Documentary. I just finished watching it. It was interesting haha. Right now I'm listening to Dave Matthews solo album Some Devil. So beautiful. That reminds me, I own every single DMB CD ever released. Like, real CDs, you know, all the studio albums, all the EP's, all the live albums, all the Live Trax, all the website exclusives, everything! Well I was at Soundgarden today, and I saw about 8 DMB CDs I have never even seen before! And I flipped shit! I was so excited and pissed off at the same time because there was about 8 CDs at 19.99 a piece, and I was like, FUCK! Haha. So I went over to the listening station and listened to them all. I was relieved when I listened to them and found out that they were 'fan recordings' and nothing "real" hahaha. They were also low quality. Only one was actually recorded on the soundboard. When I got home I went through my DMB bootleg CDs and realized I had most of them already haha. So today was a good day though. I wore a silver shirt today. Like, a shiny silver dress shirt... AKA.... DISCO SHIRT! Haha. I wore it all day. You would not believe the reactions I got at Carousel Mall. Haha I love to laugh and make other people laugh. It's what I do. And I do what I do when I do what I do.
Well I'm going to go and watch some Scrubs right now.

"When was she killed? The very last Dodo bird. And was she aware she was the very last one?"

Gallons of Rubbing Alcohol Flow Through the Strip

I just wrote a poem. Probably the longest poem I've ever written. It is very much so full of anger, haha, I let it all out. I feel so much better now that it's all out. Ahhh. Like a weight is lifted. I sent the poem to about 10 friends, but that's about it. I don't want to post it or anything. But if you wanna see it, contact me. Anyways I'm pretty happy because Blink-182 is back together! Haha!!! And they will be putting out a new album together. I can't wait! I wonder if it will me immature like old Blink or mature like the latest Blink. I'm hoping a mix of both haha. Although right now I'm listening to Nirvana. I want to meet Kurt Cobain. If I could meet with any dead rock star, Kurt Cobain and Jim Morrison would be my two choices. Loved them since I was a kid. No homo, hahah.
Oh so I was talking to a friend today, and she taught me how to spell 'shit' but like, the way that I have been saying it alot recently. 'Sheit' Hahaha!!! Anyways she also included me in her new YouTube video, you should all check it out. I favorited it on my YouTube page. Dave Matthews Band Rocks! My channel is DMBand923. Check it, son!
Well I think I'm going to end this for now, because I'm kind of tired but I wanna watch something funny. I'm in a really great mood now haha. See, poetry, writing your feelings does help! It does!!!
Ohh haha I went to Soundgarden again today hahaha!!! Thats three days in a row for me!!
Oh and by the way, I came across this photograph of Kurt Cobain, and I couldn't help but think... How ironic?

"With the lights out, it's less dangerous."

Long Way Back From Hell

I don't feel like doing this tonight... I'm listening to Danzig still and I'm feeling down. I hope tomorrow will be better.

"Do you want to take a life? Do you want to cross that line? Cause it's a long way back from hell and you don't want to go with me."

Rearviewmirror

I don't know how to feel right now. Today was different then the past week. I got to OCC later than I wanted to, but I didn't miss my class. Before that though I was home putting songs on my Nana's and her boyfriend's iPods. Then I went over and showed them how to use it and stuff like that. When I was showing my Nana's hers, The Greatest Love Of All by Whitney Houston came on and she had me get up and start dancing with her, and she was singing along with it and she seemed happy. Then all of a sudden she started to cry, and she could hardly get the words out, but she still kept singing... I didn't know what to do. Then she stopped dancing and sang a line in the song that said "Learning to love youself, it is the greatest love of all" and then she looked at me and said, "Don't you ever forget that Patrik, and she walked out of the room in tears... I didn't know how to feel or what to say. Then I heard her in the bathroom say "I wish you could have seen that Rob." That's my uncle's name. So once I heard that, I knew thats why she was crying. Then on our way to OCC we stopped by the cemetery that my grandfather, her husband, was buried. So her and I went up to the mosileum and 'paid our respects' and then she said "Take care of Rob for me, he's up there with you, you're little boy is home." And I had to hold myself back from crying... It was hard. And after that I got to OCC and went to my class and did all that fun stuff. And I when I got home I was suppose to go over my Nana's again and watch Pineapple Express with them, hoping that it would make her laugh and stuff, you know? So we start watching it and right around the part where they're smoking the cross joint she leaves the room crying, and says how she couldn't watch it because its about drugs, and that drugs ruined the family and she couldn't take it, which I completely understood/understand, but I still felt so bad because before I kept going on how it was my favorite movie and everything and I just feel bad that it upset her. So I'm home now. I'm okay now I guess. I just need to vent. Besides today I've been feeling great, and I've been like hanging out with friends a lot and stuff. Today is like one of those day's where you have to reflect on your life, and then maybe watch something sad and cry... Thats what I wanna do, I just wanna cry, let it out, and move on to tomorrow. Sometimes it seems all you need is the right person to say the right thing, and that will make it all better... I wish I had that...

"I want you in my rearviewmirror"

Peace Frog

Friday I had an 8 am class that went until 8:55 and once it was over my dad picked me up from OCC. Then I came home and realized everyone was gone, and I was home alone so I blasted music. I was blasting a lot of Danzig haha. Don't ask why because I don't know... lol. Then I had work at 1. Ughh... I enjoy work a little bit more because of my new boss and stuff, but I hate doing sandwiches. And I hat doing dishes. And the past 2 weeks that's what I've been doing. My back was killing me. So as soon as he said someone had to go home early, I was like "I'll go!... I mean, if I have to..." haha. So I got out about 8 and then got home about 8:20 or something. On my ride home a few of my friends were texting me and wanted to hang out so as soon as I got home I took a shower and then got ready, and bam, they were here. I had so much fun. I haven't laughed that hard in a while, well actually I did haha. I've been laughing a lot this past week, like hard laughing, laughing until I cry hahaha almost to the point of peeing my pants haha. Anyways I got home just before midnight, like Cinderella. Then I woke up in the morning... realizing that I fell asleep with gum in my mouth... it got on my stomach and it got on my bed haha. Atleast it didn't get in my hair! So anyways I can't remember what I did yesterday really haha except I know I went over my step-brother's house. It was fun. We haven't seen them all in a while so we all caught up. His wife was working, but the two kids were home. We went over to bring them their Christmas presents but ended up staying for a few hours. My mom got my nephew this dry/erase board and wanted to play Tic-Tack-Toe so they did. They played that for a while... but then it got bad... My nephew then wanted to play Hang Man. My mom broke into tears and tried to explain that she couldn't play that without going into the situation with him because hes only 7. It was hard. But in the end we all had a lot of laughs that night haha. So I guess the positives outweighed the negatives. Anyways I got home from that and then my brother and I went to Soundgarden with one of our friends. I picked up two Alexisonfire CD's while he traded in DVDs to buy Blu Ray DVDs lol. They had Zack and Miri Make A Porno already out. I wanted to get it but I didn't haha. Today is now February first and it is Superbowl Sunday. I'm not big into football or anything but I just want to have chicken wings today. Tomorrow I gotta get up early again... 5:30 am. I have a t-shirt of this picture below. I love it! Jim Morrison is the reason why I write poetry actually. I don't like poetry at all, except I love Jim's.

"The future's uncertain and the end is always near"

Joyride

I feel fricking great. Today was really fun haha. Apparently my Health class was from 9:30 to 10:25... weird. Haha. We are meditating next week, that should be interesting ha. I have to get up early again tomorrow, I have English in the morning... 8-8:55. Then my dads picking me up and bringing me home, and then I'm off to work at 1. I feel really good. Like physically I'm beat, and right now I'm tired haha, but I mean, I've been thinking positive the past... 3 or 4 days, and It feels great. I don't know haha. Watch I say this, and then I jinx myself... Haha.
So like my favorite song of the moment happens to be Friend by my cousins band Elemenopy. It is simply amazing! Haha. I just love it so much! It's so 'sick nasty' lol. What a weird term... Ha.
I need to get more serious with the blogging again here, I need to talk about stuff but like, I'm so busy I don't have time to get deep into this. Maybe this weekend I can. I have plans Saturday, but maybe when I get home then or Sunday I can write a serious long one. Who knows? Ha.
Alright, this band and song quote has so much back story to me haha. My brother Tony's favorite band is The Misfits, and Glenn Danzig is the originally vocals to the Misfits, so obviously he likes Danzig too... Well anyways Tony got me into them years ago, and this is like one of the greatest songs ever haha I don't care what anyone says! lol.

"Mother
Tell your children not to walk my way
Tell your children not to hear my words
What they mean
What they say
Mother"

Wonderful

I'm listening to Dave again ha. I had an okay day today. I mean, it was good because I got to hang out with alot of friends and joke around and have fun and stuff, but it wasn't good because I my last class ended at 10:20 and I had nothing to do until 4:45... Haha, but like I said, it was good because I had all of my friends to hang out with and keep me busy in between their classes lol. So yeah, actually I had a good day lol. I dropped history... it was a test based class and I don't like that... haha. So I dropped it. One of my classes was canceld, so thats why I was done at 10:20 today.
Anyways I'm pretty tired, so I'm going to go lay down for a little bit, then go to bed. Haha. I have health from 9:30 to 10:50 I think, and then Television Production from 2-4:20 lol. Fun stuff folks ha.

"Sometimes I get to a point where I don't give a damn about anything anymore."

Spoon

Well today was okay. I was up at OCC for so much longer than I needed to be haha. I got up there at 11 when I didn't have class until 2. But I hung out with friends, and it was fun. My back hurt though. My backs been hurting the past week or so. I hate scoliosis. I don't like telling people I have it either, I'm not sure why, but I just don't ha. Like no one really knows that I do. Anyways... I'll give you one guess as to what I'm listening to... Dave! Correct! Ha. Listening to his music makes me feel better, like, it comforts me. He sings about life, and how it's short and we shouldn't let things get to us, and we should appreciate life and the people and everything because you never know what could happen. And I like that. Check that, I love that. The song Spoon is kind of depressing in a way, it's basically written as if Dave was Jesus on the cross and he was second guessing God, and like, theres this one line in it that screams out how I feel. "Maybe I'm a little crazy but laughing out loud makes the pain pass by." I'm going through, I've been going through, a bunch of stuff and I've found the only way yo not let it get to you is to talk about it with somebody and to laugh. Laughing helps. Thats why that line hits me so hard, because that's how I seem to deal with everything, laughter. Even when I shouldn't. I mean, I never cried at a wake before. Never. Not once. I always used to find my cousins or people I like to joke around with, like my brother, and joke around. Laugh. Until my uncle's wake. I couldn't take it. I tried to not cry, but I did. I cried. And it only got worse at the funeral the next day. I was a paul bearer. I remember at the church we sat in the pew next to my nana and my mom and two aunts. When the music was playing, and the lady was singing some song, my nana started singing it too, and she lost it. I remember I started to cry just watching her cry, and I didn't want to cry because I was suppose to be a paul bearer, I was suppose to be tough. But I cried. And then I got up and went over to my nana and I held her as she cried. She lost her only son to suicide. I have no idea how that would feel, and hopefully I never do. It's so sad. And as I'm speaking of this Grave Digger just came on... by Dave. "Now you should never have to watch as your only children are lowered in the ground, I mean, never have to bury your own baby." This song is so powerful. Oh my God, I just realized I got all serious. I'm sorry. I guess what I'm saying is that no matter what it is, I deal with it with laughter. It helps. Thats why I try to make other people laugh. I'll make a fool of myself to make someone laugh. There's nothing better than to make people forget about their problems for a little while and just laugh, because of you. It's a good feeling. Now I have to get up at 5:30...

"Time is short but that's all right. Maybe I'll go in the middle of the night. Take your hands from your eyes, my love. All good things must come to an end sometimes, but don't burn the day away."

So Much To Say

So today was my first day back to OCC lol. It was good. I had fun ha. I saw friends that I haven't seen in a little while and I found out I had a lot of friends in some of my classes. My english professor has the same name as me, haha, well different spelling of course! He's Patrick. I'm Patrik lol. I know, I know ha. And hahaha I can't believe Miles, haha, he is so weird! Haha. So yeah, today was good. I don't like my history class though... It's a test based class, and I don't to as well on tests, so idk what I'm going to do yet. Tomorrow I don't have class until two, but I'll get up there around 10:55, 11. Haha.
I'm listening to Dave right now, the album Crash. So Much To Say just finished and Two Step just came on. "Say my love I came to you with best intentions, you laid down and gave to me just what I'm seeking, say love you drive me to distraction." Haha, Oh Dave! Bahaha. I'm obsessed dude. The music is keeping me happy as I ignore the thoughts in my head right now. I'm talking to a friend, while I'm hidden on AIM, haha, and so I'm venting kind of lol. I think that this blog right now is by far my worst because I am over using "Haha" and "lol" in it. So I apologize. I guess I'm trying to not be in a serious mood right now. Anyways, I'm eating Chocolate Peanut Butter Ice cream. my fav! :) lol. I watched a Bit Of Fry And Laurie earlier today, it was pretty funny. It takes a few minutes to get used to it because they're british haha, but its friggin Hugh Laurie! Haha. House! Haha. Oh and by the way, isn't this a great picture below? lol.

"I find sometimes it's easy to be myself. Sometimes I find it's better to be somebody else."

Out Of My Hands

Out on my window ledge
I don't feel safe
And I stay
Looking down on you
It's out of my hands for now
It's out of my hands for now
I can't just walk away
Be nice to walk away
But I don't feel safe
Get away, all the way up here
It's out of my hands for now
It's out of my hands for now
Oh it is... down from here
And down from here
Start to feel insane
Betrayed out here on my window ledge
Our finest hour arrives
See the pig dressed in his finest fine
And all the believers stand behind him and smile
As the day lights up with fire
Let me in
Let me in
I start to feel like I'm crazy
Betrayed, out here on my window ledge
Now our finest hour arrives
See the pig dressed in his finest fine
All the believers stand behind him and smile
Watch, the day lights up in fire
Looking down from here
It's out of my hands for now
Out on my window ledge
It's our of my hands for now
So let me in
Let me in

Good Time For A Bad Attitude

I wish I had someone to turn to, but I really don't. I don't want to talk about this to anyone, although I should. Instead I'm keeping it bottled up inside... Unhealthy, I know. I've grown so much I think. But at the end of the day, I'm still where I was when I woke up. As Modest Mouse once said, I know now what I knew then but I didn't know then what I know now. I'm listening to Endless Nameless by Nirvana on repeat, because that's how I feel. You know, I don't know anymore. I don't know what I should do. I don't know what I should do with my life. I've been looking at what I'm good at and I realized some people would kill to be able to write poems like I do, or to be able to be a great Graphic Designer like I am, or make people laugh as hard as I do. I'm a good friend. I'm a good guy. So why do I feel the way I feel? I'm not sure... But anyways you should listen to December 1963 right now, haha. Great song! Hahahah. When I was a kid I thought it said "Late September back in 63" but it doesn't lol. I used to love it more because I thought it said September, September being my birthday lol.
Would you believe me when I tell you, you are the queen of my heart?
I don't know what to say now. I want to say thanks to Heather actually. Thanks. Even though I'm talking to her on AIM right now, haha.
I think I'll blog later, or something. I have nothing to write about right now... lol.

"Well I guess this is growing up"

Friend Like You

I'm listening to Joshua Radin. I'm in a good mood, but I could be better. I mean I have nothing to be upset about. I want Chocolate Peanut Butter Ice Cream right now but we don't have any. I watched Donnie Darko for the first time today. It was a good movie. I enjoyed it. I love the song at the end, Mad World. I don't remember who sang it but it's a good one. I finally scheduled my classes today. I'm so happy haha. Except I have to go on Fridays now too... And guess what! It's at 8 in the morning... until 8:55... Thats right, not even an hour of class on Friday. What a waste of gas!?! Anyways I think I'm going to go to bed. There is nothign else to do... No one to talk to... I kinda feel alone right now, but in reality, I'm not. :) I wrote a new poem, its in my blog on MySpace. You should check it out, read it, and comment it. No one ever comments on my poems anymore. And no one ever really comments pictures anymore. MySpace is dead. Facebook is dead. I hate technology... No, I lie, I love it! Hahaha.

"The girl you love has gone away, still too young to know her heart. She'll return her love renewed 'cause she'll never find a friend like you."

One Headlight

Wow, alright. Well I downloaded this huge torrent of music from the 1990's then I came across One Headlight by The Wallflowers... Then I downloaded all their CDs haha, and they're really good! I think I know what I'm getting next at Soundgarden! hahaha. I'm addicted to buying CDs.
I'm pissed because I didn't record Scrubs! But I had a great day otherwise, so I think maybe it's time to retire. I'm actually happy right now :)

"You know I wanna be the way you want me to, big hearted and tall enough to cover you."

Survive

It's 2 am Sunday morning, I just got home. I was hanging with one of my friends all day and also with some other peeps, went to the mall, then played some guitar, had fun. Then I got picked up from his place by some more friends, and went to Strike N' Spare to bowl lol. I had fun tonight. I'm really beat though. Today was fun really, it didn't start out to well, but I'm coping. We saw My Bloody Valentine. It was okay. I mean, I never get scared, so I don't get why I go... Haha.
So I've been listening to Rise Against like all day, and the song Survive is really fitting me right now. "I'm somewhere between happy and a total fucking wreck" Go download the song, its as if I wrote it... Haha. But anyways I'm going to retire for the night. Umm... so yeah haha.

"Life for you has been less than kind so take a number, stand in line. We've all been sorry, we've all been hurt but how we survive is what makes us who we are."

Me

I'm dissapointed in a lot of people and things right now. Number one being me.

Bad Hat/Hair Day

Ugh, alright well I thought I'd quickly blog before work. It's 12:25 and I have work at 1, so I gotta be quick. I like work, and I want to go, but I look like shit. Like, my work shirt got messed up in the wash, and then the hat I normally have shrunk, so I can't wear that, I have my DMB hat I'm going to wear but I don't like how it looks on me, it's kinda snugg. My hair is too fucking long, I need a hair cut. When I put the hat on my hair flairs out on the back and sides... ughhh!!!! I hate it so much! I also shaved. I had a little beard thingy going on, but I shaved it all off for work, and now I feel fat. Jezz!!!!! And I haven't aten, so I'm hungry! And I'mma be working around food all day. But I need the money, and I want to work, it's just, I don't want to work looking like this! My hair is basically the longest it's ever been besides 10th grade haha. I hate my hair long, I like it shorter. I think I'm going to keep it like this til College starts back, then I'll cut it. That way people will see me with long hair, and then with short hair haha. Whatever, I got to go. Someone come visit me at work! I always tell people to, but no one does, and it's dissapointing! Peace!

"I thought hurricane season was over."
LMFAO HAHA!

Man Overboard

I'm fucking tired of this, so I'm going to make it quick tonight. I finally counted my CDs... I went through and stacked up the ones I'd like to sell to Soundgarden, and then after those were removed, I discovered that I had more CDs than I thought! lol. After counting all my CDs that I'm keeping, and all my Dave's... I have... 490 CDs! Hahah!!!!! What a collection eh? Haha!!! I'm going to make a list of them all someday lol.
I'm going to try and go to bed now... I haven't been able to sleep much anymore... I think I'm going to need to take a bunch of NyQuil just to make it til 6. Isn't that sad? I have no more faith in people, just myself. Life is too short to take anything seriously, so I'm going to try and be positive from now on and not sweat the little stuff... and its ALL little stuff, hahah =P Movie quote lol.
Anyways, I'm out.

"And it's happened once again, I'll turn to a friend, someone that understands, sees through the master plan, but everybody's gone and I've been here for too long to face this on my own... Well I guess this is growing up"

Hybrid Moments

I can't sleep. I need to get offline tho. I'm adding this picture here because I just came across it and I think it's a really cool picture of Glenn Danzig while he was still fronting the Misfits. It obviously was taken between 1978-1984. It was taken by Glen Friedman, one of my favorite photographers.

"If you're gonna scream, scream with me, moments like this never last."

Happy Someday

Alright, I'm listening to a CD I just bought, Plain White T's first CD, Stop. It is really good. Lyrically it fits my mood. One song on their reminds me of my uncle... It's a good album, I'd recommend that you buy it lol. I just posted a poem on my MySpace, Its a bunch of small poems that I've written put into a big one. I think it came out well, I'll include it below. I can't be online too much longer, because my mom has to use it quickly, but I'll be back on later. I feel bad right now... Something is upsetting my best friend, and theres nothing I can do. I don't like to see her upset. I hope she'll be okay, I told her I'm here for her, thats all I can really do for her I guess, although I wish I could do more, and make her feel better...
So normally I have a picture of a band or artist and then I post a song lyric by them benieth it, well I can't do that today, I need to post this whole song. My first time hearing it today, it's really how I feel... lol. Here's my poem first...

Suicide of the Heart
"I know how you felt,
Cause I'm fighting that fight.
Just keep me from doing
What you did that night.
Something is wrong,
Something I can't fix.
My worlds turned grey
And now I feel sick.
My mind plays tricks with my head,
As I lay here alone in my bed.
It does nothing more than tear me apart
It's nothing more than suicide of the heart.
Watch me go a little more insane
Every time you call my name.
But that doesn't matter to me
You're the only girl I see.
You are beautiful but
I never wanted to love you.
Take me into your arms tonight
And let me wake beside you.
Don't rob yourself of happiness.
Don't rob yourself to see,
The truth about yourself,
Tell me you love me."


"What if nobody likes me
What if I don't succeed
What if I give it all I've got
And I still don't got what they need
What if I don't get anywhere at all
Will I consider myself a failure
Will I be that small
What if she doesn't like me
What if I'm not her type
What if all the girls that ever like me
Are not the kind of girls that I like
What if I meet the right one and screw it up
Will I consider myself a failure
Will I give up
I'm gonna keep trying
Getting denied just makes me want it more
I'll keep trying
And each time push harder than before
I can't live my life
Always worried about what if
'Cause what if I die tomorrow
Then I never even lived
What if they don't like me
What if they think I'm a joke
What if they act nice to my face
But they hate me and I don't even know
What if they end up
Stabbing me in the back
Will I consider myself a failure
Or will I fight back
I'm gonna keep trying
And each time push harder than before
I can't live my life
Always worried about what if
'Cause what if I die tomorrow
Then I never even lived "

Hard To Concentrate

I've had a relatively okay day. I mean, nothing bad really happened, but neither did anything good. I didn't feel like blogging last night, so I didn't. I don't really know how to feel right now, I mean, I'm not upset about anything, but I'm not happy about anything. I just want to cry. Is that weird? I don't know... You know sometimes I feel unappreciated and that people don't care, even though I know they do, it's just sometimes I feel that way, idky. I find myself listening to Red Hot Chili Peppers... don't ask why haha. I like them, I own all their CDs but Ijust find it weird that I'm listening to them now, because of my mood and my recent actions, haha idk... Hard To Concentrate is the song I seem to be most fond of at this moment. I swear, I feel like I'm going no where. I feel like a loser or something, idk. I can't stand myself, I can't stand anyone. I really don't know what is bugging me. I feel how John Mayer feels in Something's Missing. He says, "Something's missing, and I don't know what it is, no I don't know what it is at all."
I just want to go to sleep and dream. I'm obsessed with dreams recently. I think I'll just leaveit here right now, idk. I have nothing to say, I have no idea what is wrong with me... and I don't feel like talking about it to anyone... I'm gonna go... I'll watch Scrubs...

"Read me a scripture and i will twist it."

Fool To Think.

Alright, so I got home about 30 minutes ago. I was hanging out with some friends I went to High School with, and then went to see The Unborn. The movie was okay. I don't get scared at 'scary movies', so I'm probably a bad critic for this lol. The only movie that ever scared me was The Sixth Sense. That gave me nightmares for at least a month. Yeah it's a PG-13 movie but hey, it scared me when I first saw it. I've never been afraid of anything in movies, but whenever I see a body hanging, it freaks me out so badly. I don't know what it is, I've always been like that. I could see why now it would effect me, but not before. In The Unborn, her mother hung herself, so it said, and that was the only thing I was hoping the movie wouldn't do. I wouldn't be able to take that. =/
I'm listening to Dave Matthews Band's Everyday album. It's probably their "most popular" for mainstream stuff, but it really isn't a "true" DMB album. Dave pretty much wrote the whole album, and then the band came together and recorded it. It wasn't done how their normal albums are, it's more popy. So Right is probably my favorite on the album, if I had to choose.
When I woke up this morning, I felt so sick, like I was going to die or something lol. I called into work, which I didn't want to do because I only work one day a week... =/ Yeah, so it sucked. I felt better though, and I feel good now. Still a little out of it, but I feel better. I need more sleep, I know I do. I think I'm going to go to bed now, I need my rest. I have nothing planned for tomorrow, but I'd like to hang out with one of my friends, I haven't seen her in 2 weeks. Alrighty, I'm out.

"Was I a fool to think?
The way you looked at me
I swear you did
But you looked away too quick
Was I a fool, was I a fool to think
That you would take me home
As if I was yours
Was I a fool to think at all?"