Spoon

Well today was okay. I was up at OCC for so much longer than I needed to be haha. I got up there at 11 when I didn't have class until 2. But I hung out with friends, and it was fun. My back hurt though. My backs been hurting the past week or so. I hate scoliosis. I don't like telling people I have it either, I'm not sure why, but I just don't ha. Like no one really knows that I do. Anyways... I'll give you one guess as to what I'm listening to... Dave! Correct! Ha. Listening to his music makes me feel better, like, it comforts me. He sings about life, and how it's short and we shouldn't let things get to us, and we should appreciate life and the people and everything because you never know what could happen. And I like that. Check that, I love that. The song Spoon is kind of depressing in a way, it's basically written as if Dave was Jesus on the cross and he was second guessing God, and like, theres this one line in it that screams out how I feel. "Maybe I'm a little crazy but laughing out loud makes the pain pass by." I'm going through, I've been going through, a bunch of stuff and I've found the only way yo not let it get to you is to talk about it with somebody and to laugh. Laughing helps. Thats why that line hits me so hard, because that's how I seem to deal with everything, laughter. Even when I shouldn't. I mean, I never cried at a wake before. Never. Not once. I always used to find my cousins or people I like to joke around with, like my brother, and joke around. Laugh. Until my uncle's wake. I couldn't take it. I tried to not cry, but I did. I cried. And it only got worse at the funeral the next day. I was a paul bearer. I remember at the church we sat in the pew next to my nana and my mom and two aunts. When the music was playing, and the lady was singing some song, my nana started singing it too, and she lost it. I remember I started to cry just watching her cry, and I didn't want to cry because I was suppose to be a paul bearer, I was suppose to be tough. But I cried. And then I got up and went over to my nana and I held her as she cried. She lost her only son to suicide. I have no idea how that would feel, and hopefully I never do. It's so sad. And as I'm speaking of this Grave Digger just came on... by Dave. "Now you should never have to watch as your only children are lowered in the ground, I mean, never have to bury your own baby." This song is so powerful. Oh my God, I just realized I got all serious. I'm sorry. I guess what I'm saying is that no matter what it is, I deal with it with laughter. It helps. Thats why I try to make other people laugh. I'll make a fool of myself to make someone laugh. There's nothing better than to make people forget about their problems for a little while and just laugh, because of you. It's a good feeling. Now I have to get up at 5:30...

"Time is short but that's all right. Maybe I'll go in the middle of the night. Take your hands from your eyes, my love. All good things must come to an end sometimes, but don't burn the day away."