Joyride

I feel fricking great. Today was really fun haha. Apparently my Health class was from 9:30 to 10:25... weird. Haha. We are meditating next week, that should be interesting ha. I have to get up early again tomorrow, I have English in the morning... 8-8:55. Then my dads picking me up and bringing me home, and then I'm off to work at 1. I feel really good. Like physically I'm beat, and right now I'm tired haha, but I mean, I've been thinking positive the past... 3 or 4 days, and It feels great. I don't know haha. Watch I say this, and then I jinx myself... Haha.
So like my favorite song of the moment happens to be Friend by my cousins band Elemenopy. It is simply amazing! Haha. I just love it so much! It's so 'sick nasty' lol. What a weird term... Ha.
I need to get more serious with the blogging again here, I need to talk about stuff but like, I'm so busy I don't have time to get deep into this. Maybe this weekend I can. I have plans Saturday, but maybe when I get home then or Sunday I can write a serious long one. Who knows? Ha.
Alright, this band and song quote has so much back story to me haha. My brother Tony's favorite band is The Misfits, and Glenn Danzig is the originally vocals to the Misfits, so obviously he likes Danzig too... Well anyways Tony got me into them years ago, and this is like one of the greatest songs ever haha I don't care what anyone says! lol.

"Mother
Tell your children not to walk my way
Tell your children not to hear my words
What they mean
What they say
Mother"

Wonderful

I'm listening to Dave again ha. I had an okay day today. I mean, it was good because I got to hang out with alot of friends and joke around and have fun and stuff, but it wasn't good because I my last class ended at 10:20 and I had nothing to do until 4:45... Haha, but like I said, it was good because I had all of my friends to hang out with and keep me busy in between their classes lol. So yeah, actually I had a good day lol. I dropped history... it was a test based class and I don't like that... haha. So I dropped it. One of my classes was canceld, so thats why I was done at 10:20 today.
Anyways I'm pretty tired, so I'm going to go lay down for a little bit, then go to bed. Haha. I have health from 9:30 to 10:50 I think, and then Television Production from 2-4:20 lol. Fun stuff folks ha.

"Sometimes I get to a point where I don't give a damn about anything anymore."

Spoon

Well today was okay. I was up at OCC for so much longer than I needed to be haha. I got up there at 11 when I didn't have class until 2. But I hung out with friends, and it was fun. My back hurt though. My backs been hurting the past week or so. I hate scoliosis. I don't like telling people I have it either, I'm not sure why, but I just don't ha. Like no one really knows that I do. Anyways... I'll give you one guess as to what I'm listening to... Dave! Correct! Ha. Listening to his music makes me feel better, like, it comforts me. He sings about life, and how it's short and we shouldn't let things get to us, and we should appreciate life and the people and everything because you never know what could happen. And I like that. Check that, I love that. The song Spoon is kind of depressing in a way, it's basically written as if Dave was Jesus on the cross and he was second guessing God, and like, theres this one line in it that screams out how I feel. "Maybe I'm a little crazy but laughing out loud makes the pain pass by." I'm going through, I've been going through, a bunch of stuff and I've found the only way yo not let it get to you is to talk about it with somebody and to laugh. Laughing helps. Thats why that line hits me so hard, because that's how I seem to deal with everything, laughter. Even when I shouldn't. I mean, I never cried at a wake before. Never. Not once. I always used to find my cousins or people I like to joke around with, like my brother, and joke around. Laugh. Until my uncle's wake. I couldn't take it. I tried to not cry, but I did. I cried. And it only got worse at the funeral the next day. I was a paul bearer. I remember at the church we sat in the pew next to my nana and my mom and two aunts. When the music was playing, and the lady was singing some song, my nana started singing it too, and she lost it. I remember I started to cry just watching her cry, and I didn't want to cry because I was suppose to be a paul bearer, I was suppose to be tough. But I cried. And then I got up and went over to my nana and I held her as she cried. She lost her only son to suicide. I have no idea how that would feel, and hopefully I never do. It's so sad. And as I'm speaking of this Grave Digger just came on... by Dave. "Now you should never have to watch as your only children are lowered in the ground, I mean, never have to bury your own baby." This song is so powerful. Oh my God, I just realized I got all serious. I'm sorry. I guess what I'm saying is that no matter what it is, I deal with it with laughter. It helps. Thats why I try to make other people laugh. I'll make a fool of myself to make someone laugh. There's nothing better than to make people forget about their problems for a little while and just laugh, because of you. It's a good feeling. Now I have to get up at 5:30...

"Time is short but that's all right. Maybe I'll go in the middle of the night. Take your hands from your eyes, my love. All good things must come to an end sometimes, but don't burn the day away."

So Much To Say

So today was my first day back to OCC lol. It was good. I had fun ha. I saw friends that I haven't seen in a little while and I found out I had a lot of friends in some of my classes. My english professor has the same name as me, haha, well different spelling of course! He's Patrick. I'm Patrik lol. I know, I know ha. And hahaha I can't believe Miles, haha, he is so weird! Haha. So yeah, today was good. I don't like my history class though... It's a test based class, and I don't to as well on tests, so idk what I'm going to do yet. Tomorrow I don't have class until two, but I'll get up there around 10:55, 11. Haha.
I'm listening to Dave right now, the album Crash. So Much To Say just finished and Two Step just came on. "Say my love I came to you with best intentions, you laid down and gave to me just what I'm seeking, say love you drive me to distraction." Haha, Oh Dave! Bahaha. I'm obsessed dude. The music is keeping me happy as I ignore the thoughts in my head right now. I'm talking to a friend, while I'm hidden on AIM, haha, and so I'm venting kind of lol. I think that this blog right now is by far my worst because I am over using "Haha" and "lol" in it. So I apologize. I guess I'm trying to not be in a serious mood right now. Anyways, I'm eating Chocolate Peanut Butter Ice cream. my fav! :) lol. I watched a Bit Of Fry And Laurie earlier today, it was pretty funny. It takes a few minutes to get used to it because they're british haha, but its friggin Hugh Laurie! Haha. House! Haha. Oh and by the way, isn't this a great picture below? lol.

"I find sometimes it's easy to be myself. Sometimes I find it's better to be somebody else."

Out Of My Hands

Out on my window ledge
I don't feel safe
And I stay
Looking down on you
It's out of my hands for now
It's out of my hands for now
I can't just walk away
Be nice to walk away
But I don't feel safe
Get away, all the way up here
It's out of my hands for now
It's out of my hands for now
Oh it is... down from here
And down from here
Start to feel insane
Betrayed out here on my window ledge
Our finest hour arrives
See the pig dressed in his finest fine
And all the believers stand behind him and smile
As the day lights up with fire
Let me in
Let me in
I start to feel like I'm crazy
Betrayed, out here on my window ledge
Now our finest hour arrives
See the pig dressed in his finest fine
All the believers stand behind him and smile
Watch, the day lights up in fire
Looking down from here
It's out of my hands for now
Out on my window ledge
It's our of my hands for now
So let me in
Let me in

Good Time For A Bad Attitude

I wish I had someone to turn to, but I really don't. I don't want to talk about this to anyone, although I should. Instead I'm keeping it bottled up inside... Unhealthy, I know. I've grown so much I think. But at the end of the day, I'm still where I was when I woke up. As Modest Mouse once said, I know now what I knew then but I didn't know then what I know now. I'm listening to Endless Nameless by Nirvana on repeat, because that's how I feel. You know, I don't know anymore. I don't know what I should do. I don't know what I should do with my life. I've been looking at what I'm good at and I realized some people would kill to be able to write poems like I do, or to be able to be a great Graphic Designer like I am, or make people laugh as hard as I do. I'm a good friend. I'm a good guy. So why do I feel the way I feel? I'm not sure... But anyways you should listen to December 1963 right now, haha. Great song! Hahahah. When I was a kid I thought it said "Late September back in 63" but it doesn't lol. I used to love it more because I thought it said September, September being my birthday lol.
Would you believe me when I tell you, you are the queen of my heart?
I don't know what to say now. I want to say thanks to Heather actually. Thanks. Even though I'm talking to her on AIM right now, haha.
I think I'll blog later, or something. I have nothing to write about right now... lol.

"Well I guess this is growing up"

Friend Like You

I'm listening to Joshua Radin. I'm in a good mood, but I could be better. I mean I have nothing to be upset about. I want Chocolate Peanut Butter Ice Cream right now but we don't have any. I watched Donnie Darko for the first time today. It was a good movie. I enjoyed it. I love the song at the end, Mad World. I don't remember who sang it but it's a good one. I finally scheduled my classes today. I'm so happy haha. Except I have to go on Fridays now too... And guess what! It's at 8 in the morning... until 8:55... Thats right, not even an hour of class on Friday. What a waste of gas!?! Anyways I think I'm going to go to bed. There is nothign else to do... No one to talk to... I kinda feel alone right now, but in reality, I'm not. :) I wrote a new poem, its in my blog on MySpace. You should check it out, read it, and comment it. No one ever comments on my poems anymore. And no one ever really comments pictures anymore. MySpace is dead. Facebook is dead. I hate technology... No, I lie, I love it! Hahaha.

"The girl you love has gone away, still too young to know her heart. She'll return her love renewed 'cause she'll never find a friend like you."

One Headlight

Wow, alright. Well I downloaded this huge torrent of music from the 1990's then I came across One Headlight by The Wallflowers... Then I downloaded all their CDs haha, and they're really good! I think I know what I'm getting next at Soundgarden! hahaha. I'm addicted to buying CDs.
I'm pissed because I didn't record Scrubs! But I had a great day otherwise, so I think maybe it's time to retire. I'm actually happy right now :)

"You know I wanna be the way you want me to, big hearted and tall enough to cover you."

Survive

It's 2 am Sunday morning, I just got home. I was hanging with one of my friends all day and also with some other peeps, went to the mall, then played some guitar, had fun. Then I got picked up from his place by some more friends, and went to Strike N' Spare to bowl lol. I had fun tonight. I'm really beat though. Today was fun really, it didn't start out to well, but I'm coping. We saw My Bloody Valentine. It was okay. I mean, I never get scared, so I don't get why I go... Haha.
So I've been listening to Rise Against like all day, and the song Survive is really fitting me right now. "I'm somewhere between happy and a total fucking wreck" Go download the song, its as if I wrote it... Haha. But anyways I'm going to retire for the night. Umm... so yeah haha.

"Life for you has been less than kind so take a number, stand in line. We've all been sorry, we've all been hurt but how we survive is what makes us who we are."

Me

I'm dissapointed in a lot of people and things right now. Number one being me.

Bad Hat/Hair Day

Ugh, alright well I thought I'd quickly blog before work. It's 12:25 and I have work at 1, so I gotta be quick. I like work, and I want to go, but I look like shit. Like, my work shirt got messed up in the wash, and then the hat I normally have shrunk, so I can't wear that, I have my DMB hat I'm going to wear but I don't like how it looks on me, it's kinda snugg. My hair is too fucking long, I need a hair cut. When I put the hat on my hair flairs out on the back and sides... ughhh!!!! I hate it so much! I also shaved. I had a little beard thingy going on, but I shaved it all off for work, and now I feel fat. Jezz!!!!! And I haven't aten, so I'm hungry! And I'mma be working around food all day. But I need the money, and I want to work, it's just, I don't want to work looking like this! My hair is basically the longest it's ever been besides 10th grade haha. I hate my hair long, I like it shorter. I think I'm going to keep it like this til College starts back, then I'll cut it. That way people will see me with long hair, and then with short hair haha. Whatever, I got to go. Someone come visit me at work! I always tell people to, but no one does, and it's dissapointing! Peace!

"I thought hurricane season was over."
LMFAO HAHA!

Man Overboard

I'm fucking tired of this, so I'm going to make it quick tonight. I finally counted my CDs... I went through and stacked up the ones I'd like to sell to Soundgarden, and then after those were removed, I discovered that I had more CDs than I thought! lol. After counting all my CDs that I'm keeping, and all my Dave's... I have... 490 CDs! Hahah!!!!! What a collection eh? Haha!!! I'm going to make a list of them all someday lol.
I'm going to try and go to bed now... I haven't been able to sleep much anymore... I think I'm going to need to take a bunch of NyQuil just to make it til 6. Isn't that sad? I have no more faith in people, just myself. Life is too short to take anything seriously, so I'm going to try and be positive from now on and not sweat the little stuff... and its ALL little stuff, hahah =P Movie quote lol.
Anyways, I'm out.

"And it's happened once again, I'll turn to a friend, someone that understands, sees through the master plan, but everybody's gone and I've been here for too long to face this on my own... Well I guess this is growing up"

Hybrid Moments

I can't sleep. I need to get offline tho. I'm adding this picture here because I just came across it and I think it's a really cool picture of Glenn Danzig while he was still fronting the Misfits. It obviously was taken between 1978-1984. It was taken by Glen Friedman, one of my favorite photographers.

"If you're gonna scream, scream with me, moments like this never last."

Happy Someday

Alright, I'm listening to a CD I just bought, Plain White T's first CD, Stop. It is really good. Lyrically it fits my mood. One song on their reminds me of my uncle... It's a good album, I'd recommend that you buy it lol. I just posted a poem on my MySpace, Its a bunch of small poems that I've written put into a big one. I think it came out well, I'll include it below. I can't be online too much longer, because my mom has to use it quickly, but I'll be back on later. I feel bad right now... Something is upsetting my best friend, and theres nothing I can do. I don't like to see her upset. I hope she'll be okay, I told her I'm here for her, thats all I can really do for her I guess, although I wish I could do more, and make her feel better...
So normally I have a picture of a band or artist and then I post a song lyric by them benieth it, well I can't do that today, I need to post this whole song. My first time hearing it today, it's really how I feel... lol. Here's my poem first...

Suicide of the Heart
"I know how you felt,
Cause I'm fighting that fight.
Just keep me from doing
What you did that night.
Something is wrong,
Something I can't fix.
My worlds turned grey
And now I feel sick.
My mind plays tricks with my head,
As I lay here alone in my bed.
It does nothing more than tear me apart
It's nothing more than suicide of the heart.
Watch me go a little more insane
Every time you call my name.
But that doesn't matter to me
You're the only girl I see.
You are beautiful but
I never wanted to love you.
Take me into your arms tonight
And let me wake beside you.
Don't rob yourself of happiness.
Don't rob yourself to see,
The truth about yourself,
Tell me you love me."


"What if nobody likes me
What if I don't succeed
What if I give it all I've got
And I still don't got what they need
What if I don't get anywhere at all
Will I consider myself a failure
Will I be that small
What if she doesn't like me
What if I'm not her type
What if all the girls that ever like me
Are not the kind of girls that I like
What if I meet the right one and screw it up
Will I consider myself a failure
Will I give up
I'm gonna keep trying
Getting denied just makes me want it more
I'll keep trying
And each time push harder than before
I can't live my life
Always worried about what if
'Cause what if I die tomorrow
Then I never even lived
What if they don't like me
What if they think I'm a joke
What if they act nice to my face
But they hate me and I don't even know
What if they end up
Stabbing me in the back
Will I consider myself a failure
Or will I fight back
I'm gonna keep trying
And each time push harder than before
I can't live my life
Always worried about what if
'Cause what if I die tomorrow
Then I never even lived "

Hard To Concentrate

I've had a relatively okay day. I mean, nothing bad really happened, but neither did anything good. I didn't feel like blogging last night, so I didn't. I don't really know how to feel right now, I mean, I'm not upset about anything, but I'm not happy about anything. I just want to cry. Is that weird? I don't know... You know sometimes I feel unappreciated and that people don't care, even though I know they do, it's just sometimes I feel that way, idky. I find myself listening to Red Hot Chili Peppers... don't ask why haha. I like them, I own all their CDs but Ijust find it weird that I'm listening to them now, because of my mood and my recent actions, haha idk... Hard To Concentrate is the song I seem to be most fond of at this moment. I swear, I feel like I'm going no where. I feel like a loser or something, idk. I can't stand myself, I can't stand anyone. I really don't know what is bugging me. I feel how John Mayer feels in Something's Missing. He says, "Something's missing, and I don't know what it is, no I don't know what it is at all."
I just want to go to sleep and dream. I'm obsessed with dreams recently. I think I'll just leaveit here right now, idk. I have nothing to say, I have no idea what is wrong with me... and I don't feel like talking about it to anyone... I'm gonna go... I'll watch Scrubs...

"Read me a scripture and i will twist it."

Fool To Think.

Alright, so I got home about 30 minutes ago. I was hanging out with some friends I went to High School with, and then went to see The Unborn. The movie was okay. I don't get scared at 'scary movies', so I'm probably a bad critic for this lol. The only movie that ever scared me was The Sixth Sense. That gave me nightmares for at least a month. Yeah it's a PG-13 movie but hey, it scared me when I first saw it. I've never been afraid of anything in movies, but whenever I see a body hanging, it freaks me out so badly. I don't know what it is, I've always been like that. I could see why now it would effect me, but not before. In The Unborn, her mother hung herself, so it said, and that was the only thing I was hoping the movie wouldn't do. I wouldn't be able to take that. =/
I'm listening to Dave Matthews Band's Everyday album. It's probably their "most popular" for mainstream stuff, but it really isn't a "true" DMB album. Dave pretty much wrote the whole album, and then the band came together and recorded it. It wasn't done how their normal albums are, it's more popy. So Right is probably my favorite on the album, if I had to choose.
When I woke up this morning, I felt so sick, like I was going to die or something lol. I called into work, which I didn't want to do because I only work one day a week... =/ Yeah, so it sucked. I felt better though, and I feel good now. Still a little out of it, but I feel better. I need more sleep, I know I do. I think I'm going to go to bed now, I need my rest. I have nothing planned for tomorrow, but I'd like to hang out with one of my friends, I haven't seen her in 2 weeks. Alrighty, I'm out.

"Was I a fool to think?
The way you looked at me
I swear you did
But you looked away too quick
Was I a fool, was I a fool to think
That you would take me home
As if I was yours
Was I a fool to think at all?"

Everything to Everyone

So my mom came home around 8 o'clock and then she went on her computer, and I had to go on, but I thought I'd just wait til she went to bed... Well apparently she went to bed at 10... I didn't realize this until 12:30 here. Haha... yeah. Anyways I did nothing today really. I didn't even leave my house, besides to help my Nana next door. Today was pretty shitty, I was in a bad mood most of the day lol. But then towards the end, it got good, and I feel good now. I'm not dwelling anymore. I'm just relaxing listening to Everclear. Everclear is amazing. See, I've known them my whole life, ever since I was a kid. The first CD I bought with my money was an Everclear CD. Actually two lol. Their one of my all time favorites, always in my top 5. Earlier I was watching my Jack Johnson DVD where he's live in Japan. Japan looks nice. I like the way that video is done. Its like a concert and a documentary, I really like that, I thought it was cool.
I made my mom get Tofurkey tonight lol. I had a Tofurkey sandwich. Pretty good. I was trying to give up beef to try and lose some weight, because my dad had to before and it worked for him. Anyways I was beef free for a whole month! But then my damn brother temps me... and I gave in like two days ago =/ . I was still eating chicken and fish, because one, I could never give up chicken, and two, I work with fish, and thats all I get for a lunch haha. I can atleast say I tried, ya know? I've been walking alot, like I mean, exercise haha. I'm really trying to lose weight. I know it's wrong to think this but I feel like I need to be thinner to be "attractive" to the oppisite sex. I don't know, I just wanna lose weight. If I could go back in time to when I was 8 and I started eating Burger King, I would have never done it! I swear I'm not gonna let my kids eat fast food, they'll get addicted! It's bad for you. Everything's good in moderation though.
I swear, Everclear is so good. People overlook them, but they're such a good band. Art, the lead singer is a great songwriter. I don't know, I just remember in my early teens, this band helped me through some tough times. I'm still listening to them right now, The Drama King just came on. Good song. But I'm sick now. I've been not feeling well the past few days, and now I'm pale lol. I don't feel to well. But I'll manage.

"She's perfect in that fucked up way, that all the magazines seem to want to glorify these days, she looks like a teenage anthem but she looks like she used to be happy with the girl inside."

I'll Back You Up

It's 3 o'clock in the morning, i just woke up about 30 minutes ago, filled out a survey on MySpace, and I'm here now. I haven't eaten since 10 o'clock yesterday morning. A coffee and a donut. So I'm hungry now. I passed out around 4 something after taking a bunch of NyQuil. I got into an argument/fight with my best friend at around 3 or 4 something and then they didn't want to talk to me right then, and I was just dwelling on everything, so I took a bunch of NyQuil to pass me out so I wouldn't dwell. It worked haha. I slept for friggin 8 or 9 hours! I just wanted to sleep for a few hours, and then I planned on talking to her, but I never woke up lol. I hope shes alright now, shes my best friend, I care for her alot. I don't like to see her upset. I wasn't really in a good mood yesterday, I had a migraine so everything was upsetting me. And my ankle still hurts.
My right ankle has been hurting for like the past 2 or 3 days. It feels cracked or something. I broke my ankle in 10th grade, the only bone I'd ever broken, and I can't remember if it was my left or my right. Well anyways the doctor said I was the fastest healer he has ever seen because by the end of the week, It was completely healed haha. Miracle? Or am I just awesome like that? Haha. I haven't taken anything for the pain really. My mom gave me one of my dad's pain killers the other night, that really didn't help too much lol.
While I was with my Nana and Leo today, we went out to Auburn again, I brought all my Dave CD's for the ride. That's over 30 Dave albums! Over 90 discs all together! If that was ever stolen, I would kill somebody haha. I told them that the song Crush by Dave Matthews Band was going to be played at my wedding no matter what my bride says hahaha. I believe that song is so amazing. I think Dave's greatest love song is I'll Back You Up. It is so beautifully done too. It was written about his girlfriend at the time, Julia Grey. He wrote that for her and then he proposed to her and she denied him. Three times alltogether he proposed, and she denied each one. He was heartbroken, so he left her, and he wrote the song Halloween. Halloween is Dave's darkest song yet, it is filled with so much hate! Listening to live performances of it is insane. He give's it his all when he plays this song. Everytime he plays it, he changes most of the words to it, but he keeps certain parts the same. Dave Matthews is amazing! lol. My all time favorite, Dave Matthews Band.

"I remember thinking, I'd go on forever only knowing I'd see you again. But I know, the touch of you is hard to remember, but like that touch I know no other."

The Stone.

I am so fucking pissed right now. I can't believe myself. I really can't. I mean, I always blame other people, but you know what, it's gotta be me, there my be something wrong with me. Because I always make myself available, does that make me pathetic? I try to be a good friend, and I am a good friend, but in the end, I think I just get shit on, by most of my friends. I don't think they do it intentionally, at least I hope not, haha, but seriously, I'm a good friend to all of my friends. What is it about me? Can someone please explain. Whatever, I don't even want to bother. I'm fine, I'm not the problem. I dwell. So even right now I'm dwelling on stuff that probably doesn't meant anything. That's a problem. I should probably just stop talking. I'm going to move on with the rest of my day now.
I don't know what I'm doing today. I was hoping to hang out with Amie today, but she needs to get her car fixed, so were probably not going to get to hang out today. I might just chill home today then. Do nothing, ya know? I need to just relax and disconnect myself from the world. I bet I won't do that, but hey, we'll find out later today.
Ohh I had a dream, different than others... I was running in a hall, like the Shining, and there was a girl at the end of the hall, whom to which I was running to, then all of a sudden it seems like as I run closer, she just gets further and further away, and then I finally start to get close, then a guy walks out of a room, and then we fight. I actually win, but then as I'm running towards this girl, he shouts and I look back, and he shoots me, then he shoots himself. I don't die, I just fall to the ground, something else happened here but I don't remember it, but then in the end I crawled into a hotel room, and turned on the TV, and then it was some dancing channel or whatever and 3OH!3 started playing and then I woke up, and my cell phone was ringing. My ringtone is 3OH!3... Hahaha so it was a weird dream. It was scary, like I was upset during it, until I got shot lol.

"I was just wondering if you'd come along
To hold up my head when my head won't hold on
I'll do the same if the same's what you want
If not I'll go
I will go alone"

Like a Little Girl...

Would you believe me when I tell you you're the queen of my heart? Haha, that song just came on, sooo good lol. Alright, I'm in a weird mood right now. I was really excited because I completely forgot that Scrubs back tonight, and exactly at 9 o'clock I remembered. Then I saw it was two new episodes. So I watched! Haha. The first episode I thought was kind of cheesy, but then the second episode... Wow. That was really good. Scrubs has had a few sad episodes here and there, and yes, I've cried during 3 different Scrubs episodes, because they're just so sad. But I don't know if its because of the loss of my Uncle, or what, but I balled during this episode, like a girl haha. It was so sad. A patient was in the hospital because he was going to die within a couple of hours, and JD and Turk stayed with him, and talked with him during his final hours, and he died thinking a happy thought, "Man, that beer tasted good." It was so sad, you probably had to see it. Then JD says in his little monologue thing he does "I guess in the end, all you can ask for is that your last thought is a happy one." I agreed. I thought it was an amazing episode, very touching, a nice way to end the night. But then I started to think, my uncle's last thought must not have been a happy one. And that upset me... I miss him.
I'm listening to Nirvana again... But this time in a happy way! Haha, if thats possible lol. I had a really good day pretty much, although my ankle kills. My mom let me take pain killers, so its not too bad hahaha. They're my dads, for his sholder, another story, but hey, if my dad falls at work, and no one is around to hear it, does me make a sound?
Hahaha I'm bad. My brother was suppose to come over tonight, but I was falling asleep so I put on coffee, and I had 3 cups of coffee... Then he calls and says he can't come over... So now I'm wired on coffee, and I have nothing to do!!!! Someone save me! Hahaha.
My sister is still up, she should be sleeping, she has school in the morning. But noooo, she wants to stay up to talk to our third cousin online... Creepy... Hahaha, she has a little crush on our cousin... Once I told her he's our 'third' cousin, shes getting ideas... Hahaha, I'm a bad influence. I think it's really creepy, but hey, atleast I get to pick on her haha, brotherly love =P

Continuum

It's 5 o'clock. I'm listening to Do Re Mi by Nirvana, well it's just Kurt on acoustic. This melody is so catchy! Haha. Well I just got back from being with my Nana and her boyfriend Leo all day. This morning I was woken up at like 8 o'clock from a text, and then I went to Wal-Mart with my Mom quickly to pick up Pineapple Express on DVD. So funny! I've seen it three times in the theater. First time with Amie, second time with my brother Josh and his fiance, and then the third time with my Mom and Dad. So friggin funny! Haha. I can't wait to watch the "Unrated" edition haha. Then after I got home from Wal-Mart, I went with my Nana and her boyfriend on many errands, then I went out to exercise, and now I'm home... for the night? I don't know yet haha. I went to Driver's Village today, to the place where we had our Senior Ball. It brought back memories to me, it was fun. I had alot of fun at Ball. I'm glad I went. Thanks Amie! :)
My brother Thorne had surgery today, he's okay now, he's in recovery right now I guess. I've never really had surgery since I was like 6, and that was on my teeth. I remember going under and everything haha. Son of a bitch, my dad keeps trying to talk to me and I can hardly think! I'm worried about one of my friends, I shouldn't worry, but I do. I dwell on things alot, thats a problem. I try not too. I want to lose weight. Personally I think I'm good looking, haha, I mean, I ain't ugly, and I have a good personality, I'm funny, and I'm nice. I just feel like I need to lose weight to be 'pleaseable' to others. But actually I think that I need to be thin to be 'pleaseable' to myself. I'm fine the way I am, I'm healthy. I don't know. Next topic.
I have certain places I want to go. I want to go to New York City and California. And I don't want to go alone. I also don't want to go with family, no offence lol. I want to go with a friend, or friends. If I go to California then I have a place to stay, two of my brothers live out there, and they each live with their girlfriends, both said I could stay with them. That would be fun. I haven't heard them play in sooo long, I'd love to see them live again. They have a band, Fateful Day. Heavy metal. By now I'm listening to John Mayer haha, another one of my favorites.
I realized when I am happy, I have less to talk about, and I'm boring. So I'll go for now, my Dad wants to talk anyways. Yeah, Katy Perry is single, so I'm totally going after her now... Hahaha! This picture below is Katy Perry, just so ya know! Haha.

"Why do I beg like a child for your candy?"
Angel -Dave Matthews Band

Lemme Hear You Scream.

Hahaha, okay, so I really didn't have anything planned for today except to go with my Nana to the store, and then after that I came home and was home alone here. Then one of my friends upset me some, something stupid, anyways I decided to sing along with the music I was playing, Nirvana, Rise Against, Dave Matthews Band, Modest Mouse. Whatever I could 'scream' to. Well I noticed I was starting to lose my voice, so I was like 'well I'm not doing anything tonight, why not lose my voice!' So thats what I did, then all of a sudden I get a phone call, and I have like next to no voice. My sister says I sound like I 'hit puberty' haha. So now a group of my friends I haven't seen since High School Graduation want to hang out, and I have no voice. How wonderful? Hahaha.
Dude, I just saw online that Katy Perry is single again! :D Hahaha. Today is good, for the most part. I had a dream last night, but I can't remember anything about it. I remember the emotions I went through during it, but I don't remember what the dream was about. I know it was a nightmare pretty much.
I want some inspiration to write a good poem. My poems, I don't really like, but the people who have seen them really seem to like them. I'm my worst critic. It sucks, my only poem I was happy with was the first poem I ever wrote, Pavement. And that was over a year ago. I used it in a video for Video production, and my teacher began to cry during the video. Its a sad poem, very moving. I think I'll post it here under this.
Well I look like a scumbag so I need to find something to wear for when my friends come to get me. I'll be back tonight, maybe. I'd like to be.

"What if all these fantasies come flailing around? Now I've said too much."

Here is my poem, Pavement.

My body hits the pavement
My life flashes before my eyes
I'm flying, or am i falling?
Thump, I'm gone
My eyes close, and i begin to dream

She's there, she's upset
I'm there, we're there
Together
Love
She makes me happy
Makes me forget about the pain
Makes me feel like anything is possible
I comfort her, rub her arm
It gives me chills, she feels soft
She smells like love, if love had a smell
I love her, and she loves me
But I don't have her, so my love is nothing
I can't continue to not be able to love her
If I do, I'll end up here

As I did, as I lie
The blood that poors from my shattered skull begins to surround my battered body
I awake, but I can't move
I hear sirens, I see flashing lights
My eyes close again
The pain is coming back
I hear her voice, I open my eyes for the last time
Shes there, I see her face
All my pain dissapears
I bring myself to say I love you
She responds the same
Then she smiles at me while tears run down her face
Her beautiful face

I close my eyes one last time
I'm warm inside, but my body is cold
I slowly fade away
I loved her
I did

Rapunzel

So today got good. My laziness paid off, and I feel good... tired, but good, haha. I bet you can guess what I'm doing right now, listening to Nirvana. I can't stop. I don't mind it, Kurt Cobain will forever be a legend of rock. Music wouldn't be the same if Nirvana never existed. True fact ya know. Anyways, everyone is in bed sleeping, and I'm still up. My mom just went to bed like, an hour ago. I was up watching Scrubs with her. I love that show haha, that's why I own all the DVD's. That's another issuse of mine. DVD's lol. Well actually more so CD's, since I collect CD's, and that's where all my money goes. Soundgarden. See, actually I was there again today. I think thats three days in a row! See, I go there atleast twice a week. I have a problem haha. Music is my thing, it's what get me through.
I own two guitars, my brothers are in a band, my cousins are in a band, my dad's a bass player, and recently I haven't had any passion to learn any instrument, but since my little obsession with Nirvana, thats all I've been doing. I took my dad's bass, and I've written atleast 3 good songs, only the bass lines, but some kick ass bass lines if you ask me haha.
I'm excited to go to sleep tonight because I'm hoping that I will dream again. Ever since I've been researching dreams, I seem to be having them everynight. I love it. I want to have a lucid dream, that would be sweet. I have before, but I wanna again haha.

"You drive me crazy! Crazy is all right with you looking at me"

Dream

Well, I had a dream last night, and I know why certain things happened in it. Normally I can tell, but the other night was just random as all hell haha. I dreamed that I was over my Nana's and my front teeth felt numb, so I thought I'd play with them and I ended up pulling them out, then I remember looking in the mirror and just mocking myself... weird haha. Anyways, a friend told me how she was dreaming her teeth were falling out the other day, so that was in the back of my mind, and so was my Nana. I was thinking earlier in the day how I haven't seen her in a few days, lol. See its weird. Anyways, I still keep listening to Nirvana. I'm on AIM right now, and I really don't have much to blog about, so I'll maybe write something later. Peace.

One baby to another says "I'm lucky to have met you"

With the Lights Out

I haven't talked to a single person today. Friend wise I mean. See, I'm trying not to text people as much, so today I didn't want to text anyone, I wanted them to text me, and then of course I'd respond, but no body did. And I actually got desperate towards the end of the night here, and I texted a few. No response. Can't you see I'm loved? See I rely on people too much, and people always disappoint me. To quote Dave Matthews in Don't Drink The Water, "I don't need anyone but me." See, even sometimes I disappoint myself. But whatever, it's like, I always seem to get down or something when I'm all alone. Without sounding stupid or anything, I like to receive random texts from my friends. It shows that they think about me, or something, idk. Ughh... seriously, idk why I let this bother me. But I do. And it annoys me. I'm truely just venting. And while I'm venting, it reminds me how I'm always there for any of my friends, and if they need to vent, I'm there. I let them vent, I don't judge, I listen. But then with alot of them, it seems like when I need to vent, they're not there, or they judge, when all I need is for someone to listen. Nobody's perfect.
I had a dream last night, I won't get into it, but basically a girl was ran over by a car in it, on purpose... I don't see any meaning behind this dream. Whatever hahaha. I'm listening to Nirvana right now, I've been listening to them the past couple of days. Thats all I've been listening to today though. I have done nothing today except blow money at Soundgarden on this Nirvana box set, and then come home and listen to it... all day. Well about 4 hours ago I tried to play my guitar, then realized I can't play, so I went and got my dad's bass, and then I laid out this sick beat. I seem to be pretty good at bass, lol, I just can't grasp guitar.
Honestly, I want to like, become famous. For something. Something related to video or music. Both are passions of mine. I'm constantly listening to music. And I'm constantly laughing or making people laugh, alot of my friends/family tell me I should be a comedian... but I don't know about that. I mean, I know I'm pretty entertaining at times, but I don't think I could get a crowd going hahaha. Well... when I was in a play once, I did lol. Whatever, hahaha.
My brothers been in a George Calrin kick these past few days, so when I hang out with him, he plays it, and I have that skit or whatever you call it that he did about the 7 Dirty Words. The part where he says that "tits" doesn't sound like a bad word, and how it sounds like a nick name, and hes like "Tits, meet Toots, Toots, this is Tits" Hahaha, idk, hopefully you've heard it, otherwise I just seem... weird haha.
Well anyways I'm going to go to bed now while listening to Nirvana on my iPod, I have church in the morning. Sunday. Yippi... I just wanna sleep in hahaha. Shit, that reminds me, I gotta do that damn student loan thing! I'm so lazy right now... lol.

“Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.”

Yes, Zooey!

Alright, so it's 9:50 pm and I'm sitting at home on the computer here, eating chicken wings, and watching Yes Men! This is the life, hahaha. Watching this movie is making something clear. See, when I first saw Elf, I discovered this, and then when I heard about She & Him it helped me see even more, and then today, while watching Yes Man, I realize I have a thing for Zooey Deschanel haha. Shes really cute!! Anyways, hahaha....

Well today was a great day, I won't go into it but it was! Anyways, I liked today. I've been happy all day. Great way to start the year! I'm keeping this short and sweet because I posted a blog earlier today. I'll talk to you all later!

RedBull Shall Begin My Day!

I just woke up, and I feel good. I haven't showered yet, and I haven't done anything actually. I most likely would have played my X-Box 360 right now, but my brother took my only controller... touch hole! Haha, that's a word my Nana uses a lot, instead of asshole. I never heard anyone say it but her haha. I told my brother since he took my only controller, that he has to get me a RedBull, so who is the winner now? Me! :D Haha. I'm addicted! I haven't had one in two weeks, but before that I had atleast two a day for two weeks strait! No lie! Haha.
I don't know what it is about this song, but I still can't stop listening to it! Losing My Religion by R.E.M. And in that music video of it, where he's dancing really weird, hahaha, thats priceless! I'm happy right now. I'm surprised. It's just a day, but it's also a year, and it's begining great, even though I have done nothing.
I need new shit on my YouTube page. I have new material, and most of it's been recorded, but I just have no effort to put it online. I don't know what it is! Like seriously, my whole family keeps praising me about my videos that I made during my senior year, and I do admit their good, but I don't know, I'm my biggest critic. Everyone says that I've got talent for it. I remember during the summer of 2008, my mom made me show her brother, my uncle, some of my videos. I showed him them, and he loved them. I spent the rest of that day with him, at his house helping him fix up shit and everything. At the time I didn't wanna do it, but I ended up enjoying it, and now thats one of my favorite memories I have left of him. I remember he said to me that I was really talented and he said he wasn't just saying that. He said how he's his worst critic himself. He had his own construction company, RTG Home Finishers. He was amazing, and he wouldn't finish a job until it was perfect! His last work completed work was actually in our bathroom. He did that all, and it looks amazing. That is why I take most of my MySpace pictures in their, cause it reminds me of him. I miss him. His death wouldn't have been as hard to deal with if he just died, of if he got into a car accident or something. Suicide. I still can't believe it. He was young, he was double my age in two years. He shouldn't have ended his life, he should still be here. He shoulda been with us last night as we celebrated the new year.
Ahhh, well anyways, I'm still listening to R.E.M. I researched what REM stood for and it has to do with something when you're sleeping. So that led me to research dreaming because I always found dreams intresting. I discovered something called "Lucid Dreams." Thats where you realize that you're dreaming, so you take control of the dream. I've done that before. I never knew that it had its own title for it haha. Anyways, I think you should go and research dreams, they're very intresting!
Alright, well I'm going to get my shower, and actually begin my day. it's 2:13 in the afternoon and I need to get ready to go with my brother to get my RedBull! Haha! I'm excited.