My Evening

I really don't remember making all of my passwords the same... weird. Anyways! I'm about to go to bed. I just got home a we bit ago. (Current time 12:51 am) I saw Year One with my friend Aimee, and it was hilarious. Michael Cera is hilarious. I'm not a fan of Jack Black but he was funny too lol. I love Paul Rudd's cameo in it. He's one of my favorite actors lol. It was funny cause throughout the whole movie they're drinking or at one part it was raining and it was making me really thirsty so right after the movie I was at the drinking fountain for like.... a minute haha. 

My Bass Lesson with Myself

I just taught myself how to play Longview by Green Day (the first verse) and I Miss You by Blink-182 (the whole song) on bass! :D

Haha.

I'm really happy right now. Today I've been happy. :) Tomorrow I'm going to see Year One. I'm excited about that! I'm also excited for my brother's wedding! I'm a Best Man (the better man) and I'm also the DJ! ALSO I'm recording the wedding and then editing it to DVD PLUS I designed the wedding invitations! Haha talk about a big day for me! And it's not even my wedding! :D :D :D

GAHHHHHH

Hahaha I've been listening to my brother's band a lot today. I miss them! They better get here soon! August can't come soon enough. And then next summer I'm going to California?!?!? It all seems tooo unreal. I want to take a road trip this summer to NYC! One of my best friends and I planned to but sometimes it seems like she's "bothered" by me? I don't know. She says nothing but I get weird vibes lol. Anyways I want to go to NYC. I've never been!!!! I wanna go there before I go to California. I'm also excited because I have more hours now. I work Thursday's too now. And on Friday's I get like 3 or 4 more hours than I used to. Plus I just got a raise about two weeks ago, so the money's adding up. Speaking of money, my best friend owes me 50 bucks lol. I'm obsessed with the song Burning Down The House, Dave Matthew' cover of course. It's so much better than the original. Everytime I'm in the car I BLAST IT! HAHAHA. I fuckin' love it. I love making mixes for people. I wanna make another DAVE MIX!!!! FUN FUN FUN!

I think I need to go to bed! I have to be up at 8:30 cause at 9 we're leaving to go get me fitted for my tux! I'M BUYING A TUX!!!!! It's only $99.99 for this fuckin' awesome tux! It's on sale from $399.99!!!! WHAT A STEAL! Haha. I'm out. Peace. Oh by the way, TuPacs dead.

Kill yourself, and I've won.

Have another drink

You're all alone by yourself

Everyone left you

Everyone's gone.

You pop those pills and take those shots

I hope you fall

You're gonna fall

He falls to the ground, but how did he get there?

A girl, a love, he loved that love

She crushed, he crushed, and they crushed a bunch

Gone gone another girl come and goes

Another girl passes another girl shows

He takes another pill

Smokes another joint

He drinks another drink

Have I made my point?

Fill your life with worthless shit

And then go ahead and burn it

Burn it all down

Into ashes

And then take a line

And get fucking smashed

I know you will, you always do

You say you do, how about fuck you.

I've grown sick of how you treat everyone

And I've had enough

So just go ahead

Kill yourself, and I've won.

My Friend's Funeral

"So Jesus stands on this corner

Though his gospel falls to the ground

He's cold, he's hungry

And he needs a drink

And now he knows nobody believes

He walks to the alley and finds salvation

In the form of a forty-five

And on his way home he'll swallow that bullet

To comfort him on his ride"

Kill yourself, and I've won.

You know who you are...

My Triple S

I'm much different than other people, and I like that. Fuck, I love that. And honestly that's why I think my friends love me. I'm not different in a really fucking weird way, but in a funny way I guess? Haha I don't know what I'm saying. Fuck what I've said, I don't feel like deleting it. I want to try to write poems, openly. Like, just one shot, there it is typa thing. Here I go!

"Crush me up and crush me down

I can't see when you're not around

I hear you call and my heart stops

I see your face and I drop

To my knees, please baby please

I love you."

Haha okay, that's one. Short, stupid, silly. TRIPLE S.

"I could always make you laugh out loud

But no body's laughing now

I guess that's what happens with time

I guess that's what happened to mine

My first love gone, she's dead on the floor

I put her there, her heart beats no more

I smile in a way that is happy but sick

She did this to herself"

Okay, that one sucks. I guess I'm shitty when I don't have any feeling in it. Fuckkk.

Alrighty well I just wanted to say I'm still alive, for those who care. I know who you are :) WEIRD! I had a dream last night that I got a raise. I picked up my check today.... I got a raise. I hear rumor's of an OCC BBQ. Like, our group. My group of friends. I wonder what would happen if I didn't show up haha. Would I be missed? Would people notice? Like, how much of an impact am I on people. These are things I wonder in my head. This is why I want to be at my own funeral =P Hahaha.

My Space Between

I'm sad at this moment. I've been so happy recently but today, tonight, I don't know. I feel like I need to write this. I'm missing my friends from college. I want to see them, but I don't think they want to see me. I feel useless. Like, yes I'm funny and I want to be funny but I feel that's all I am? If that makes sense. I feel like I'm just there for a "good time" and that no one wants to know me, they just want to be around me? If that makes any sense at all. I don't know. I wrote a poem, one of the first really depressing ones in a while... Here it is.

"Don't talk, because I'm not listening I feel like I've given all I can I am nothing more than a waste I am nothing more than a man. I speak in rhymes while you crack a smile I make boring times worth while. But is that all I do? Because I feel so alone I'm clenching my fists And holding my phone. I feel let down But I bring this on myself I need you now I need your help. I'm going away To a dark place with no light. I'm going away Into the night."

People seem to enjoy my poems and they say I write well. I don't think I write well, I just write what I feel and I think that comes a cross, and people can relate. But I wouldn't say they're good, they're just real. I'm going to sleep for the night. Tomorrow night I'm suppose to go to the movies with one a friend. That should be fun, I know it'll cheer me up. But for right now, I feel so alone and cold.