Everything to Everyone

So my mom came home around 8 o'clock and then she went on her computer, and I had to go on, but I thought I'd just wait til she went to bed... Well apparently she went to bed at 10... I didn't realize this until 12:30 here. Haha... yeah. Anyways I did nothing today really. I didn't even leave my house, besides to help my Nana next door. Today was pretty shitty, I was in a bad mood most of the day lol. But then towards the end, it got good, and I feel good now. I'm not dwelling anymore. I'm just relaxing listening to Everclear. Everclear is amazing. See, I've known them my whole life, ever since I was a kid. The first CD I bought with my money was an Everclear CD. Actually two lol. Their one of my all time favorites, always in my top 5. Earlier I was watching my Jack Johnson DVD where he's live in Japan. Japan looks nice. I like the way that video is done. Its like a concert and a documentary, I really like that, I thought it was cool.
I made my mom get Tofurkey tonight lol. I had a Tofurkey sandwich. Pretty good. I was trying to give up beef to try and lose some weight, because my dad had to before and it worked for him. Anyways I was beef free for a whole month! But then my damn brother temps me... and I gave in like two days ago =/ . I was still eating chicken and fish, because one, I could never give up chicken, and two, I work with fish, and thats all I get for a lunch haha. I can atleast say I tried, ya know? I've been walking alot, like I mean, exercise haha. I'm really trying to lose weight. I know it's wrong to think this but I feel like I need to be thinner to be "attractive" to the oppisite sex. I don't know, I just wanna lose weight. If I could go back in time to when I was 8 and I started eating Burger King, I would have never done it! I swear I'm not gonna let my kids eat fast food, they'll get addicted! It's bad for you. Everything's good in moderation though.
I swear, Everclear is so good. People overlook them, but they're such a good band. Art, the lead singer is a great songwriter. I don't know, I just remember in my early teens, this band helped me through some tough times. I'm still listening to them right now, The Drama King just came on. Good song. But I'm sick now. I've been not feeling well the past few days, and now I'm pale lol. I don't feel to well. But I'll manage.

"She's perfect in that fucked up way, that all the magazines seem to want to glorify these days, she looks like a teenage anthem but she looks like she used to be happy with the girl inside."

I'll Back You Up

It's 3 o'clock in the morning, i just woke up about 30 minutes ago, filled out a survey on MySpace, and I'm here now. I haven't eaten since 10 o'clock yesterday morning. A coffee and a donut. So I'm hungry now. I passed out around 4 something after taking a bunch of NyQuil. I got into an argument/fight with my best friend at around 3 or 4 something and then they didn't want to talk to me right then, and I was just dwelling on everything, so I took a bunch of NyQuil to pass me out so I wouldn't dwell. It worked haha. I slept for friggin 8 or 9 hours! I just wanted to sleep for a few hours, and then I planned on talking to her, but I never woke up lol. I hope shes alright now, shes my best friend, I care for her alot. I don't like to see her upset. I wasn't really in a good mood yesterday, I had a migraine so everything was upsetting me. And my ankle still hurts.
My right ankle has been hurting for like the past 2 or 3 days. It feels cracked or something. I broke my ankle in 10th grade, the only bone I'd ever broken, and I can't remember if it was my left or my right. Well anyways the doctor said I was the fastest healer he has ever seen because by the end of the week, It was completely healed haha. Miracle? Or am I just awesome like that? Haha. I haven't taken anything for the pain really. My mom gave me one of my dad's pain killers the other night, that really didn't help too much lol.
While I was with my Nana and Leo today, we went out to Auburn again, I brought all my Dave CD's for the ride. That's over 30 Dave albums! Over 90 discs all together! If that was ever stolen, I would kill somebody haha. I told them that the song Crush by Dave Matthews Band was going to be played at my wedding no matter what my bride says hahaha. I believe that song is so amazing. I think Dave's greatest love song is I'll Back You Up. It is so beautifully done too. It was written about his girlfriend at the time, Julia Grey. He wrote that for her and then he proposed to her and she denied him. Three times alltogether he proposed, and she denied each one. He was heartbroken, so he left her, and he wrote the song Halloween. Halloween is Dave's darkest song yet, it is filled with so much hate! Listening to live performances of it is insane. He give's it his all when he plays this song. Everytime he plays it, he changes most of the words to it, but he keeps certain parts the same. Dave Matthews is amazing! lol. My all time favorite, Dave Matthews Band.

"I remember thinking, I'd go on forever only knowing I'd see you again. But I know, the touch of you is hard to remember, but like that touch I know no other."

The Stone.

I am so fucking pissed right now. I can't believe myself. I really can't. I mean, I always blame other people, but you know what, it's gotta be me, there my be something wrong with me. Because I always make myself available, does that make me pathetic? I try to be a good friend, and I am a good friend, but in the end, I think I just get shit on, by most of my friends. I don't think they do it intentionally, at least I hope not, haha, but seriously, I'm a good friend to all of my friends. What is it about me? Can someone please explain. Whatever, I don't even want to bother. I'm fine, I'm not the problem. I dwell. So even right now I'm dwelling on stuff that probably doesn't meant anything. That's a problem. I should probably just stop talking. I'm going to move on with the rest of my day now.
I don't know what I'm doing today. I was hoping to hang out with Amie today, but she needs to get her car fixed, so were probably not going to get to hang out today. I might just chill home today then. Do nothing, ya know? I need to just relax and disconnect myself from the world. I bet I won't do that, but hey, we'll find out later today.
Ohh I had a dream, different than others... I was running in a hall, like the Shining, and there was a girl at the end of the hall, whom to which I was running to, then all of a sudden it seems like as I run closer, she just gets further and further away, and then I finally start to get close, then a guy walks out of a room, and then we fight. I actually win, but then as I'm running towards this girl, he shouts and I look back, and he shoots me, then he shoots himself. I don't die, I just fall to the ground, something else happened here but I don't remember it, but then in the end I crawled into a hotel room, and turned on the TV, and then it was some dancing channel or whatever and 3OH!3 started playing and then I woke up, and my cell phone was ringing. My ringtone is 3OH!3... Hahaha so it was a weird dream. It was scary, like I was upset during it, until I got shot lol.

"I was just wondering if you'd come along
To hold up my head when my head won't hold on
I'll do the same if the same's what you want
If not I'll go
I will go alone"

Like a Little Girl...

Would you believe me when I tell you you're the queen of my heart? Haha, that song just came on, sooo good lol. Alright, I'm in a weird mood right now. I was really excited because I completely forgot that Scrubs back tonight, and exactly at 9 o'clock I remembered. Then I saw it was two new episodes. So I watched! Haha. The first episode I thought was kind of cheesy, but then the second episode... Wow. That was really good. Scrubs has had a few sad episodes here and there, and yes, I've cried during 3 different Scrubs episodes, because they're just so sad. But I don't know if its because of the loss of my Uncle, or what, but I balled during this episode, like a girl haha. It was so sad. A patient was in the hospital because he was going to die within a couple of hours, and JD and Turk stayed with him, and talked with him during his final hours, and he died thinking a happy thought, "Man, that beer tasted good." It was so sad, you probably had to see it. Then JD says in his little monologue thing he does "I guess in the end, all you can ask for is that your last thought is a happy one." I agreed. I thought it was an amazing episode, very touching, a nice way to end the night. But then I started to think, my uncle's last thought must not have been a happy one. And that upset me... I miss him.
I'm listening to Nirvana again... But this time in a happy way! Haha, if thats possible lol. I had a really good day pretty much, although my ankle kills. My mom let me take pain killers, so its not too bad hahaha. They're my dads, for his sholder, another story, but hey, if my dad falls at work, and no one is around to hear it, does me make a sound?
Hahaha I'm bad. My brother was suppose to come over tonight, but I was falling asleep so I put on coffee, and I had 3 cups of coffee... Then he calls and says he can't come over... So now I'm wired on coffee, and I have nothing to do!!!! Someone save me! Hahaha.
My sister is still up, she should be sleeping, she has school in the morning. But noooo, she wants to stay up to talk to our third cousin online... Creepy... Hahaha, she has a little crush on our cousin... Once I told her he's our 'third' cousin, shes getting ideas... Hahaha, I'm a bad influence. I think it's really creepy, but hey, atleast I get to pick on her haha, brotherly love =P

Continuum

It's 5 o'clock. I'm listening to Do Re Mi by Nirvana, well it's just Kurt on acoustic. This melody is so catchy! Haha. Well I just got back from being with my Nana and her boyfriend Leo all day. This morning I was woken up at like 8 o'clock from a text, and then I went to Wal-Mart with my Mom quickly to pick up Pineapple Express on DVD. So funny! I've seen it three times in the theater. First time with Amie, second time with my brother Josh and his fiance, and then the third time with my Mom and Dad. So friggin funny! Haha. I can't wait to watch the "Unrated" edition haha. Then after I got home from Wal-Mart, I went with my Nana and her boyfriend on many errands, then I went out to exercise, and now I'm home... for the night? I don't know yet haha. I went to Driver's Village today, to the place where we had our Senior Ball. It brought back memories to me, it was fun. I had alot of fun at Ball. I'm glad I went. Thanks Amie! :)
My brother Thorne had surgery today, he's okay now, he's in recovery right now I guess. I've never really had surgery since I was like 6, and that was on my teeth. I remember going under and everything haha. Son of a bitch, my dad keeps trying to talk to me and I can hardly think! I'm worried about one of my friends, I shouldn't worry, but I do. I dwell on things alot, thats a problem. I try not too. I want to lose weight. Personally I think I'm good looking, haha, I mean, I ain't ugly, and I have a good personality, I'm funny, and I'm nice. I just feel like I need to lose weight to be 'pleaseable' to others. But actually I think that I need to be thin to be 'pleaseable' to myself. I'm fine the way I am, I'm healthy. I don't know. Next topic.
I have certain places I want to go. I want to go to New York City and California. And I don't want to go alone. I also don't want to go with family, no offence lol. I want to go with a friend, or friends. If I go to California then I have a place to stay, two of my brothers live out there, and they each live with their girlfriends, both said I could stay with them. That would be fun. I haven't heard them play in sooo long, I'd love to see them live again. They have a band, Fateful Day. Heavy metal. By now I'm listening to John Mayer haha, another one of my favorites.
I realized when I am happy, I have less to talk about, and I'm boring. So I'll go for now, my Dad wants to talk anyways. Yeah, Katy Perry is single, so I'm totally going after her now... Hahaha! This picture below is Katy Perry, just so ya know! Haha.

"Why do I beg like a child for your candy?"
Angel -Dave Matthews Band

Lemme Hear You Scream.

Hahaha, okay, so I really didn't have anything planned for today except to go with my Nana to the store, and then after that I came home and was home alone here. Then one of my friends upset me some, something stupid, anyways I decided to sing along with the music I was playing, Nirvana, Rise Against, Dave Matthews Band, Modest Mouse. Whatever I could 'scream' to. Well I noticed I was starting to lose my voice, so I was like 'well I'm not doing anything tonight, why not lose my voice!' So thats what I did, then all of a sudden I get a phone call, and I have like next to no voice. My sister says I sound like I 'hit puberty' haha. So now a group of my friends I haven't seen since High School Graduation want to hang out, and I have no voice. How wonderful? Hahaha.
Dude, I just saw online that Katy Perry is single again! :D Hahaha. Today is good, for the most part. I had a dream last night, but I can't remember anything about it. I remember the emotions I went through during it, but I don't remember what the dream was about. I know it was a nightmare pretty much.
I want some inspiration to write a good poem. My poems, I don't really like, but the people who have seen them really seem to like them. I'm my worst critic. It sucks, my only poem I was happy with was the first poem I ever wrote, Pavement. And that was over a year ago. I used it in a video for Video production, and my teacher began to cry during the video. Its a sad poem, very moving. I think I'll post it here under this.
Well I look like a scumbag so I need to find something to wear for when my friends come to get me. I'll be back tonight, maybe. I'd like to be.

"What if all these fantasies come flailing around? Now I've said too much."

Here is my poem, Pavement.

My body hits the pavement
My life flashes before my eyes
I'm flying, or am i falling?
Thump, I'm gone
My eyes close, and i begin to dream

She's there, she's upset
I'm there, we're there
Together
Love
She makes me happy
Makes me forget about the pain
Makes me feel like anything is possible
I comfort her, rub her arm
It gives me chills, she feels soft
She smells like love, if love had a smell
I love her, and she loves me
But I don't have her, so my love is nothing
I can't continue to not be able to love her
If I do, I'll end up here

As I did, as I lie
The blood that poors from my shattered skull begins to surround my battered body
I awake, but I can't move
I hear sirens, I see flashing lights
My eyes close again
The pain is coming back
I hear her voice, I open my eyes for the last time
Shes there, I see her face
All my pain dissapears
I bring myself to say I love you
She responds the same
Then she smiles at me while tears run down her face
Her beautiful face

I close my eyes one last time
I'm warm inside, but my body is cold
I slowly fade away
I loved her
I did

Rapunzel

So today got good. My laziness paid off, and I feel good... tired, but good, haha. I bet you can guess what I'm doing right now, listening to Nirvana. I can't stop. I don't mind it, Kurt Cobain will forever be a legend of rock. Music wouldn't be the same if Nirvana never existed. True fact ya know. Anyways, everyone is in bed sleeping, and I'm still up. My mom just went to bed like, an hour ago. I was up watching Scrubs with her. I love that show haha, that's why I own all the DVD's. That's another issuse of mine. DVD's lol. Well actually more so CD's, since I collect CD's, and that's where all my money goes. Soundgarden. See, actually I was there again today. I think thats three days in a row! See, I go there atleast twice a week. I have a problem haha. Music is my thing, it's what get me through.
I own two guitars, my brothers are in a band, my cousins are in a band, my dad's a bass player, and recently I haven't had any passion to learn any instrument, but since my little obsession with Nirvana, thats all I've been doing. I took my dad's bass, and I've written atleast 3 good songs, only the bass lines, but some kick ass bass lines if you ask me haha.
I'm excited to go to sleep tonight because I'm hoping that I will dream again. Ever since I've been researching dreams, I seem to be having them everynight. I love it. I want to have a lucid dream, that would be sweet. I have before, but I wanna again haha.

"You drive me crazy! Crazy is all right with you looking at me"

Dream

Well, I had a dream last night, and I know why certain things happened in it. Normally I can tell, but the other night was just random as all hell haha. I dreamed that I was over my Nana's and my front teeth felt numb, so I thought I'd play with them and I ended up pulling them out, then I remember looking in the mirror and just mocking myself... weird haha. Anyways, a friend told me how she was dreaming her teeth were falling out the other day, so that was in the back of my mind, and so was my Nana. I was thinking earlier in the day how I haven't seen her in a few days, lol. See its weird. Anyways, I still keep listening to Nirvana. I'm on AIM right now, and I really don't have much to blog about, so I'll maybe write something later. Peace.

One baby to another says "I'm lucky to have met you"

With the Lights Out

I haven't talked to a single person today. Friend wise I mean. See, I'm trying not to text people as much, so today I didn't want to text anyone, I wanted them to text me, and then of course I'd respond, but no body did. And I actually got desperate towards the end of the night here, and I texted a few. No response. Can't you see I'm loved? See I rely on people too much, and people always disappoint me. To quote Dave Matthews in Don't Drink The Water, "I don't need anyone but me." See, even sometimes I disappoint myself. But whatever, it's like, I always seem to get down or something when I'm all alone. Without sounding stupid or anything, I like to receive random texts from my friends. It shows that they think about me, or something, idk. Ughh... seriously, idk why I let this bother me. But I do. And it annoys me. I'm truely just venting. And while I'm venting, it reminds me how I'm always there for any of my friends, and if they need to vent, I'm there. I let them vent, I don't judge, I listen. But then with alot of them, it seems like when I need to vent, they're not there, or they judge, when all I need is for someone to listen. Nobody's perfect.
I had a dream last night, I won't get into it, but basically a girl was ran over by a car in it, on purpose... I don't see any meaning behind this dream. Whatever hahaha. I'm listening to Nirvana right now, I've been listening to them the past couple of days. Thats all I've been listening to today though. I have done nothing today except blow money at Soundgarden on this Nirvana box set, and then come home and listen to it... all day. Well about 4 hours ago I tried to play my guitar, then realized I can't play, so I went and got my dad's bass, and then I laid out this sick beat. I seem to be pretty good at bass, lol, I just can't grasp guitar.
Honestly, I want to like, become famous. For something. Something related to video or music. Both are passions of mine. I'm constantly listening to music. And I'm constantly laughing or making people laugh, alot of my friends/family tell me I should be a comedian... but I don't know about that. I mean, I know I'm pretty entertaining at times, but I don't think I could get a crowd going hahaha. Well... when I was in a play once, I did lol. Whatever, hahaha.
My brothers been in a George Calrin kick these past few days, so when I hang out with him, he plays it, and I have that skit or whatever you call it that he did about the 7 Dirty Words. The part where he says that "tits" doesn't sound like a bad word, and how it sounds like a nick name, and hes like "Tits, meet Toots, Toots, this is Tits" Hahaha, idk, hopefully you've heard it, otherwise I just seem... weird haha.
Well anyways I'm going to go to bed now while listening to Nirvana on my iPod, I have church in the morning. Sunday. Yippi... I just wanna sleep in hahaha. Shit, that reminds me, I gotta do that damn student loan thing! I'm so lazy right now... lol.

“Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.”

Yes, Zooey!

Alright, so it's 9:50 pm and I'm sitting at home on the computer here, eating chicken wings, and watching Yes Men! This is the life, hahaha. Watching this movie is making something clear. See, when I first saw Elf, I discovered this, and then when I heard about She & Him it helped me see even more, and then today, while watching Yes Man, I realize I have a thing for Zooey Deschanel haha. Shes really cute!! Anyways, hahaha....

Well today was a great day, I won't go into it but it was! Anyways, I liked today. I've been happy all day. Great way to start the year! I'm keeping this short and sweet because I posted a blog earlier today. I'll talk to you all later!

RedBull Shall Begin My Day!

I just woke up, and I feel good. I haven't showered yet, and I haven't done anything actually. I most likely would have played my X-Box 360 right now, but my brother took my only controller... touch hole! Haha, that's a word my Nana uses a lot, instead of asshole. I never heard anyone say it but her haha. I told my brother since he took my only controller, that he has to get me a RedBull, so who is the winner now? Me! :D Haha. I'm addicted! I haven't had one in two weeks, but before that I had atleast two a day for two weeks strait! No lie! Haha.
I don't know what it is about this song, but I still can't stop listening to it! Losing My Religion by R.E.M. And in that music video of it, where he's dancing really weird, hahaha, thats priceless! I'm happy right now. I'm surprised. It's just a day, but it's also a year, and it's begining great, even though I have done nothing.
I need new shit on my YouTube page. I have new material, and most of it's been recorded, but I just have no effort to put it online. I don't know what it is! Like seriously, my whole family keeps praising me about my videos that I made during my senior year, and I do admit their good, but I don't know, I'm my biggest critic. Everyone says that I've got talent for it. I remember during the summer of 2008, my mom made me show her brother, my uncle, some of my videos. I showed him them, and he loved them. I spent the rest of that day with him, at his house helping him fix up shit and everything. At the time I didn't wanna do it, but I ended up enjoying it, and now thats one of my favorite memories I have left of him. I remember he said to me that I was really talented and he said he wasn't just saying that. He said how he's his worst critic himself. He had his own construction company, RTG Home Finishers. He was amazing, and he wouldn't finish a job until it was perfect! His last work completed work was actually in our bathroom. He did that all, and it looks amazing. That is why I take most of my MySpace pictures in their, cause it reminds me of him. I miss him. His death wouldn't have been as hard to deal with if he just died, of if he got into a car accident or something. Suicide. I still can't believe it. He was young, he was double my age in two years. He shouldn't have ended his life, he should still be here. He shoulda been with us last night as we celebrated the new year.
Ahhh, well anyways, I'm still listening to R.E.M. I researched what REM stood for and it has to do with something when you're sleeping. So that led me to research dreaming because I always found dreams intresting. I discovered something called "Lucid Dreams." Thats where you realize that you're dreaming, so you take control of the dream. I've done that before. I never knew that it had its own title for it haha. Anyways, I think you should go and research dreams, they're very intresting!
Alright, well I'm going to get my shower, and actually begin my day. it's 2:13 in the afternoon and I need to get ready to go with my brother to get my RedBull! Haha! I'm excited.

Happy New Years!

Happy New Years!
It is currently 1:18 AM on January 1st 2009. Congrats! We made it to the new year, even though I thought I wasn't gonna make it. 2008 had it's highs, but it had more lows. The highs were high, and I will never forget them, but the lows were really low, and I wish I could forget them. This year was tough, but I think it changed me for the better... hopefully haha. I sent text messages to alot of my friends, but I don't know how many of them got them because it kept saying "Message Failed" and it was being gay. Whatever haha. I went to a party tonight, it was at a hotel. My mom's cousin was in town, so a bunch of the cousin's got together and had a huge party. It was pretty fun! Keith can dance like amazingly! Haha. He's better than Michael Jackson at dancing haha. We left at like 11:10 so we could make it home for the ball dropping but on our way we ended up leading these people to Club Fusion because they were lost. We ended up home at 12:56 and we were able to watch the ball drop and Dick Clark nearly have a heart attack while saying "Happy New Year." It was a nice way to end the year. It was hard for my mom to say Happy New Year... Her brother should be here for this... We miss and love you Uncle Rob. Happy New Years to you. Well anyways I've been listening to Losing My Religion by R.E.M. non-stop, mocking the video with his crazy dancing hahaha. I have ideas for a new YouTube video! Hahaha. But yeah, I haha. I got a phone call from my buddy Tim at like 12:30. That was a nice surprise, he's like "Mr. Gridley! Happy fucking New Years! How the fuck are you?!" Hahah. Alright, well I'm going to head to bed... yeah, I'm a partier... As Amie said to me, "Let's get ready to suck 2009's dick!" Bahahaha!!! Alright, peace everyone. Happy New Year.

Half a World Away

It is Wednesday, December 31st 2008. It is 2:07 in the morning, and I have no reason to be up, except that I wanted to listen to music. Yesterday, the 30th, was my brother Tony's 25th birthday. He's a quarter of a century old now. Anyways, I bought a few CD's from FYE at Great Northern Mall yesterday, and one of them was the Foo Fighter's One By One album, when I got home I realized it had the wrong disc in it! So today I have to return it. I hate FYE. Soundgarden is the place to be. I'm there almost everysingle day, haha. It's kinda pathetic, but hey, I like my CDs. I have a huge CD collection, I own well over 400 CD's. I own every single Dave Matthews Band album, thats right, every single one. I'm obsessed. I was inspired to start blogging from a friend. I used to blog before, and I wasn't very good at it, so I just began to write poetry, and I quit blogging. I realize now that I can mix them, so when I write new poems, I'll post them too. Don't worry, I'm not a horrible poet haha. Anyways, I'm listening to R.E.M. right now, yes, I listen to everything. I really like the song Half A World Away, I happen to have it on repeat. I've got to go to bed, so I'm going to close with this song quote...

"This could be the saddest dusk
I've ever seen
Turn to a miracle
high alive
My mind is racing
As it always will
My hands tired my heart aches
I'm half a world away, and go."